i liked her when she was sweet and unexplainable

The weight of winter:

Ive been invited for pancakes at my mothers on Sunday. fluffy, blueberry. All the women in my life make delicious pancakes. They bake with aprons tied and hair pulled back. I would say i prefer bacon and eggs but it lacks the charm and whimsy of gooey buttermilk batter and pretty green mixing bowls. It's just a greased up fry pan and spatula nothing poetic. something to have the morning after a night of dirty sex. pancakes are warm blankets, they are snuggling up in bed together like a Kurt Halsey drawing.

I grew up, my mother stayed at home. cooking, cleaning, caring. Always there. I thought that was everyone until about 5Th grade. Of my friends parents that were actually still together, both of them usually worked. I might be slightly needy of attention because of it.

the girlfriends Ive had. I'd never see fathers around. Step-dads at most.
This is Dan she'd say. I'd shake the guys beefy hand and automatically assume he was a creepy sex pervert after my girl-friend. I'd check her room for holes in the walls and cameras hidden in the ceiling.
I couldn't find anything here. but I'll be right back, I'll check the bathroom for you.


I'm the only daddy you'll ever need to know. I'd say.
I'd get a laugh, but some night we'll be having sex and can you guess what she'd call me?
It must be the glasses and stories and the fact i won't let her have any fun. She plays the part of spoiled brat so well, I know she isn't faking. neither am i.

but i like her when she wears her apron baking. she told me it once belonged to her grandmother and it doesn't turn me off any less. she's sweet with the little blue spoon in her hand wearing next to nothing. The apron, the socks, the undies. I'm not saying it's where she should be, but i won't say i don't think it's the hottest thing next to Georgia asphalt and maybe her in my Cowboys #9 Jersey.

It's always these little things. things like blue berry pancakes , aprons - the smell of girl. It kills me to remember that she has a weakness for Patsy Cline and old country music. and her hair clips. I'd pick one up off her night-stand sniff it, press it to my heart. they smell like metal.

Photo credits:Cheap Thursday's'
Art credits: the black apple (etsy)

An Orchestrated Rise to Fall

The trust me fund:
She's getting married next weekend, It's what they would call all-of-a-sudden. The bride, she's only 18 and it's her first. first husband, first wedding, first cake, first ring, first everything.

" ... and Yes, she's pregnant", that's what I hear her mother telling people over the phone. Her mother is the secretary for my company and that's how i know all these things. She had two weeks to pull it all together. I'm told it's supposed to look and feel like a big deal wedding since the father of the child and husband to-be has a 2 million dollar trust fund waiting when he turns 35. Impress his family sort of thing.

Wait. He's almost 30, she's 18. You're thinking this isn't going to work out. You're thinking child-bride and who is holding the shot-gun. And I think you know.
The old me would say one word to him: Run.
I'm trying to be more positive these days. plus, you should know I'm rooting for the kid and her unborn. Starving artist boys with trust funds, I guess they get what they deserve.



One night to speed up truth:
I'm invited to the wedding extravaganza and I can't say I've ever turned down an offer to attend a wedding. (nor to be wed) I'm such a foolish romantic at heart. Will there be wine? food, music, cake? Yes, yes, yes and yes. Then yes.
Of the marriages I've attended it's about 50- 50 the couples have remained married.
true fact.
I must also mention that this whole thing is taking place on Sunday. Opening day of football season Sunday. Priorites. How dare them, I know. So, I'll have to Tivo/Dvr the game.
You're thinking Christian, miss his Dallas Cowboys game live!!!? okay maybe your not thinking that. but I am.
Oh, but that bitter taste they left in my mouth. They shouldn't have broken my heart like they did last year in the playoffs. They're like that slice of cake that falls on the floor, it still looks all good and sugary but, it fell on the floor. You think it might be okay. You pick it up, wipe it off, check to see if any ones looking and take a big bite. It could be the most delicious cake you've ever had. That something you've been waiting for all your life. Or it could have dirt on it and you wish you could just spit out. instead you know you'll just choke on it. So, The safe bet is not to get all worked up. Save yourself the broken heart and leave the cake on the floor for someone else to take a chance on. In other words.... record it - Then see how it all turns out later.


I wonder when it's winter am I going to wish for it to be summer again?

credits:

ohgirl

One & Done

I'm sorry If I ever got any by-standers involved with following my Dallas Cowboys.

My passion for them has been recorded.

I'm sorry if they make you think of me and I'm sorry if you are sorry for me today.

(If you are laughing- FU)

Really though,

One and done? . My heart was ripped out. (again)

I want to not care. In a few days or weeks I probably won't as much.

All my rituals, my superstitions. Yes, it's true I didn't wash my "lucky" Cowboys shirt all season. 13-3. Before the playoffs. Not enough to erase the Jessica Simpson curse I guess. Why does our QB take a trip to Mexico with her before the big game? He knew the media would follow his every move. Can't find a good taco in Texas? I don't believe it.

Did I expect at the start of the year they'd only lose 3 games? No. I had fun watching so many wins. Unexpected.

NFC East Champions. Number one seed and home-field thru the playoffs. I thought I was dreaming. I started to believe. We (They) held all the cards.

But, yesterday happen. I woke up and my heart was missing. I am numb.

They lost in an unspectacular fashion. The Giants whom we beat twice during the regular season, did nothing special. We did nothing at all. Choked.

Today, I was streaming the Cowboys official flag-ship station out of Texas. Listening to the woulda and coulda's. The Coach had a press-conference filled with excuses. It was criminal. Bringing up they had a good season being 13-3 and had improved from last season. But really they didn't. They lost the first game in the playoffs last year too. To me, it's still losing.

Broken hearts......and right at the start of 2008. Oh well, things don't start getting good until after the end of January anyway.

The picture up top is from over this past weekend. A day before my nightmare. I am having family over more often now that my dog is gone. Am I saying as a replacement to my pets? Well, he was my best-friend.

But, really I didn't have many people over when my dog was sick for the past year.

So, my sister and her girlfriend came over for some sashimi\sushi and to watch a movie. (Stardust) If you haven't seen STARDUST it's pretty good if you are into fairy-tales.

Obviously, I am. I thought the Cowboys had a chance to make it to the Super Bowl.

"The future you have tomorrow won't be the future you had yesterday" - from the book RANT by Chuck Palahniuk