Monday, October 31, 2011
She came to visit Halloween weekend. To carve pumpkins, to scoop out my heart.
I took photographs of her outside under skies the color of muscle, She held a long knife sitting in her undies, pumpkin between her knees. These are memories on a hard-drive.The fucking on my red Ikea sofa, on the floor, the bedroom, up against the wall in the hallway. I'd almost never remember any of this...if this wasn't the last time id ever see her again.
But, she drove over 200 miles to tell me about how much she loved Halloween. How she was only doing this because she couldn't stay away from me, even though it wasn't a good idea for either of us. For some reason she can't let us go. maybe never could, never will, no matter the circumstances. How are the circumstances now?
There was someone else she'd run back to once she was done with me. The carving and fucking and scooping out of my heart. I made a fuss at first. but she liked it to much when i got angry. she was something i couldn't have , but did have..really, and confused i kissed her hard and pushed her on the bed. I fucked her deep, she opened up, like that way there is no description for, like the way when you're breathing your last few fatal breaths, you'll remember and have no regrets about life. Because life was all about being inside her inside something that made sense at least for that moment. and now ....I get lost in the thought. I forget about what she took from me. How she will pack up and have her Halloween somewhere else, with someone else. but it was worth it wasn't it?. aren't we all better off now? I told you, i could handle the bleeding.
"Happy birthday, Samantha. Make a wish."
: -"Well, it already came true" .
I never liked the ending of this movie.(which im sure is playing on some channel, somewhere in the world at this very moment). Other than the geek became king by getting Samantha's panties and also got with Jake's drunk girlfriend. If i've said it once i've said it a thousand times... Fuck Jake.
This is my latest stencil- its called - "Molly hates Pink"
Hand-cut Stencil , spray paint on card-board 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Oct - 87'
I found a note in my locker. it smelled like cigarette, girl, and old book-bag. I was in class unraveling the million folds. Finally, bubble cursive written with a cheap bic pen. A quick profile: This person could give a shit about school, perhaps dreaded the waking world, life was a drag and then....you die. Judging from the Iron Maiden RULES scribbled in the corner - A lover of all things metal.( daughter of satan?)
The name at the bottom. I knew this girl. I stepped over her and her friends every morning as I walked into school. they sit in a circle on the sidewalk in front of the school. Laughing, smoking, blaring heavy metal out of a boom-box. I smile at her. every morning. metal girls are horny. so am I. I’m fucking 16. I like her make-up. too much shadow. too much doom.
I think back to the way she held a cigarette. why it seemed different. I wasn't sure why she was after me. I gave no outward indication I liked Metal and that’s how people interact at this school,. by the kind of music we like or pretend to like and bands we know and pretend to know. I’m in a band but I doubt she knows that.
The sides of my head are shaved, my intention was Mohawk but it came out more mullet. I listen to punk mostly, and Bad Brains and Elvis and Johnny Cash. Last year, I dated a perpetually gloomy girl who played The Cure and Bauhaus and the Smiths while we laid in her bed. She let me fuck her, if I promised not to tell. Then she told me a few days later she likes girls. But what was I talking about? Oh yeah, I can’t say I wasn't able to fall deeply into the despair of lyrical drone of the music. I also hate Pretty in Pink and Molly Ringworm. but secretly I don't.
The records I go back to over and over are Queen and Cheap Trick. (another secret) But, punk is awesome. Black Flag..is fucking awesome. And that this girl ... this horny heavy metal goddess wants to get with me. like this is totally out of the fucking blue too. I’m so hard right now.. 10 minutes till the bell rings... I hope I can get it to go down by then (think garbage. think old people fucking) This is the start of something. I just know it. Rock on. Rock hard.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
maybe the night and something different. i waited for her call, her laugh, her fall. maybe because of the cool October air. so how about tonight? black cats and candles. we laugh, we fuck , we get high. maybe i leave marks. maybe he'll ask how you got those bruises on your neck.
she says, maybe it won't last.and why do you only say i love you when you're inside me? but that's all elementary. like the beginning and end. like how its easy to groove to this song. the start and stop. maybe this time we meet behind our lovers back. or maybe we are those lovers.
I talk to much in the dark. I say the things i should keep secret...I've never believed as much as i do now, anything is possible. and she says where did that sad boy i knew once, go? I was inside you. say yes....nothing ever really ends. the devil comes and gets what's due.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Nothing fits. Over the years I've grown out of my shoes and shirts and lovers. nothing fits forever. body parts deceived us because they feel so good. sliding in and out. In and Out. like breathing. it's dirty tricks. it's trick or treat. Our heart beats one on top of other. the warmth, the salvation, the words. We mean well, then we are just plain mean. we say.... at some point, "we just don't fit". so, maybe we try, maybe we even stay. Just our bodies. Hey, tell me where your mind lives?
I thought of you. how we are just pieces of this puzzle. Every year i make a wish. I set things straight with myself. I know how it works. Wait. then wait more. it's almost finished. Turn the last piece this way and that. Force it. love me. Settle in. Perfect fit.
Friday, October 7, 2011
the nights have taken hold
and your words,
have taken hold
where have all my lovers gone -
underground - underground
come, let's give blood again
the mobile unit parks
outside the library
come make a fist
come let me breathe you
before it gets to dark again
before it gets to late again
wish me happy birthday?
let your body be my
the filth is rushing in
the blood is washing out
and my thoughts are taking hold