Wednesday, December 24, 2008

snow flakes fall and boom goes the heart

I'd say this years
ending note
won't be a punch in the gut.
maybe a loose choke out.
nothing to bruise you
like youre used to, like you like
and need.

it's okay if you do,
and why don't you
find me-
i see the marks
i left on you
have all but

I'm having trouble thinking up a shiny brief statement- let's see, I promise to do better and be better and let it all go?

highly unlikely. i just keep running , sweating, writing, bleeding, strumming, drumming, coming, going. eating cake. Will it ever be enough to fill your belly, like i did before?

and will there ever be a bigger question as to why?
was there ever any question? if there was, i hope you know
by now.

the silence
and void
is hard
to fill

with words.


scott radke

Friday, December 19, 2008

i wrote this song for snow white


i was talking. she was smiling
always taking notes
and i was liking
how she liked me
even choking on
my words

what do you do now?
now, that i can't teach you anything
and i can't tell if you're
still out there
but i know that you still dream

see all my love
two feet beneath
the snow

and these lies
like the sun
melting all the
frost away

i can't teach you anything
and even if i did-

you wouldn't listen anyway
pretend to listen

i never got the fighting
or all the silly games
and some of those
how they
fucked up everything

ruined everything
im sorry that it's over
baby, im sorry that you stayed
you with your faces and me with my sins

but was it me-
didn't i give you

didn't i teach you

Friday, December 12, 2008

I saw the crescent , You saw the whole of the moon!

last Fridays full moon. the fullest of the year. swollen with the kind of luck i could feel
sink into my skin. no clouds and 10 miles east it would be hanging calmly over the Atlantic ocean. I wish i was there. sitting with you on the sand, keeping your hands warm pressed to my chest. crabs snapping along the shore. the moon glowing over what's left of this December. something we now share, or at least this vision of it. an illusion of what is and isn't. if it were snow or rain or ash or tears. fall out from a time when our hearts beat and I told you I could have loved you. just a little to late.

Still don't know what to get someone? Here are three books I wouldn't mind having. Any of the three would make a great holiday gift.
Strange brains and Genius: The secret lives of eccentric scientists and madmen
2.Show Me How: 500 things you should know instructions for life from the everyday to the exotic
3.Wacky Packages

Luck since the full moon:

-scored a kathie olivas dunny. It's the one i wanted in the series. (it has a fuzzy body)
-found an old post card in a book, it's from 1986. Garfi
eld on the front. (it's a love note) I enjoy finding those.

- They still had Koibito figures available from artist Yoskay Yamamoto's art show and was able to place order for mine.
- Dallas Cowboys win and keep playoff hopes alive

Monday, December 8, 2008

lies to prevent panic

there have been delays due to snow. the static i hear in my head not the white cold dust that falls from the sky. I once saw her catch one on her tongue. a snow flake as unique and special as you. she closed her eyes as it melted in the warmth of her mouth. snow mixed with ash from population growth and nearby drug factories. I asked if she thought it might help with her chronic cough. she reached for my hand.
only this. she said pulling my hand towards her heart.
I felt it beating against her chest.
we have a pulse!! i screamed with joy.
she's alive...she's alive. I began to sing frosty the
snow man.
please don't. please don't she said your making me laugh and youre out of tune.
Happy Birthday!!! she said. More laughing....i get the joke.

we played in snow to celebrate her arrival to this world. my snow-girl. a magic ribbon tied to her hair.
Now don't melt. don't melt. don't melt.....
we danced in the snow. not the static in my head kind but the kind that falls soft and pretty like in movies. It's the only kind I know and that's no lie. I've never seen snow. I tell her.
she says she is surprised.
by what?, I ask.
that you didn't lie.
i said i never promised to tell you the truth, only that I'd never share our secrets and I never have and never will.

the snow never seen nor ever felt or ever will or maybe?, if you showed me.
would you show me?
would you show me if i told you i had more teach you. even if i don't, even if i couldn't. I'd say i do and could just to see you one time laughing in the snow.
purple rain, she says. you got that one time laughing line from purple rain.

when it's cold and it rains is that how snow is made? I asked. really. tell me.
do snow girls bleed or only melt?
she didn't say. she wouldn't say. she wouldn't show me. maybe she doesn't know.