and i was highly over-rated

Eventually something you love is going to be taken away. And then you will fall to the floor crying. And then, however much later, it is finally happening to you: you’re falling to the floor crying thinking, “I am falling to the floor crying,” but there’s an element of the ridiculous to it — you knew it would happen and, even worse, while you’re on the floor crying you look at the place where the wall meets the floor and you realize you didn’t paint it very well and when you’re having sex with your next lover on this very floor they will also notice that you didn’t paint it very well and they will think less of you for it. And then you think, “Is that sentence too long?” and then you have to hold the contradictions of sobbing uncontrollably and wondering about grammar in your head at the same time.

— Richard Siken

i never kept it hidden. myself. I never kept myself hidden.
I was always there. maybe deep okay, maybe buried down
real deep.
maybe with that body in the woods,
with those secrets,
maybe just where my heart
lies
oh, boy - how it ever lied

but that was only because...... really now, I have no excuse.
you called me baby, I called you my baby.

now look at us. yeah do.
I'm not hiding. I/m here.
digging
digging it all up
just to bury it back