that crack in the mirror, the note-book you stole and pillow you left behind

I got afraid of
falling
I got afraid
of
sleeping
I got afraid
of alone

fireworks
and pitbull dogs
don't scare me
love don't scare me
saying it does

drinking
didnt solve for X
C=
numbers and letters
unknown

It's just a name
It's just a soundtrack
It's just
me
slipping
away


There was this time when we were talking about how she would befriend all my heroes. All these people I had admired. Artists, muscians, directors. I thought she might enjoy, what I liked.
So I showed, her, I made her listen. It wasn't to make her remember me. It wasn't planned.
I'd rather we stuck around. I'd rather it be round after round. Rocket ships and battle ships.

Then I would see these artists and such on her myspace list. Comments. Something about being addicted to talent, or attracted or whatever. That's what she said.
I never watched his movies again, I didn't look at the other guys art the same way. Here I was writing a blog that nobody's reads. Just your angels stalking me, how bad am I for you?
How bad could it be. Really. The pieces fit. Come rest your head on my stomach. Come hear the pounding in my chest. Come touch me. I am still warm.

Funny, I can say these things now. I used to like fishing. I used to like driving on the country back-roads and watching thunder-storms from the back of my truck. I used to like Johnny Cash. I'm not saying she ruined them. Just things change. Like it or not. I used to like DisneyWorld and doing it until my fever broke. I used to like it on top. I used to like you. I still do. Only different. only like a dream or like words that write themselves and letters that I never send. Only this time is different. I'm not so afraid. I'm not so alone. I'm not so unsure. you said don't make you wait. you said you were tired. which is it? And how I still don't like Wednesdays.