Wednesday, April 16, 2008

let's just imitate the real until we find a better one

Good lies:
Enjoying this weather. Odd for South Florida. Windows open. I lit a Nag Champa incense stick and the cool air is catching the smoke and filling this entire room. It smells like books , church, wood, hippie fires at midnight, .... like burning.
Mid 60's in April?. In South Florida?
"Well, enjoy it! " that's what everyone is saying. It will be the last cold air for awhile.
here come the hurricanes, here comes the fire-works, here come the good lies.

For like ever: felt weird. felt scary. feels like I should be with her. hear her. feel her. talk to her. forget her. It's just the weather, and I know it, but fuck. The darkness tells me different. Where I am still blind. It's all about the words and how they make me feel good. Safe. beautiful and crafted and mine, so mine. But again, I liked the days of hoody wearing, blankets and the arms wrapped around me from behind. And I like to touch her when she doesn't expect it. I would say it was in the kitchen but I don't remember. I know a girl wearing an apron excites me. So maybe there.

I am kind of grateful it didn't last enough for it to get boring. Skip through it all and save that part for someone else. the best chapters are the beginning and end. Save the wondering and wander back to me. Just a close your eyes and bite your bottom lip away. Just a "thank you". Like sunshine. Like the fucking moon-glow. Like for Ever. ago.

The sweetest tooth: Sometimes I want just to converge on the quiet. Pretend the real and then really pretend. If I kept my mouth shut would you come lay beside me? If you were addicted to something and you couldnt get that feeling from anything else. you know it's bad for you and all that. But the alive. But the chemicals. in the darkness you think you can get away with it. fight through it, minimal scarring, less words. just the high. Just what you do best. what we do best.

Hurt: where I am the sweetest tooth and you'd ask me something for the pain. You looked up to me, just because. and I have always, will always like you..just because.

maybe the words are more important to me than the relationships ever could be. people come and go, they kiss and tell secrets, lie and destroy empires. but the words endure. If Ive taught you nothing else. be careful with them. I send them into space. Send them back to the place where she found me, where I met her. In the instant of a key stroke, where just for the fuck of it. where just because .... I could love her and lose her again and again and again.

artwork:Yosuke Ueno
photo 3: apoetsdream

Watched: A beautiful, meaningful documentry:
INTO GREAT SILENCE This what you take from it. Don't ever watch this if it's not something you really want. To just try and be quiet. If you ever wanted to see inside yourself. Ever wanted to be still. 3 hours. no sound-track, no narration. only natural sounds, lighting and the simple diciplined daily life of Monks in the French Alps.

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