why are you so far away

I am about to be pounding the pavement, scanning the internets, and faxing out resumes. It looks like I'm joining in the hunt for a new and improved limited edition job. It's going to be like trying to purchase an Audrey Kawasaki print. well, i hope not that hard.

We are closing down shop here after 23 years. ( i will no longer have a job soon).

Finding a job at what i already do and have skills for is next to impossible. I am intrigued by the possibilities of something entirely new: hmmmm entry level government job?, something or other in the medical field (brain surgeon? do you need schooling for that?) , flipping burgers (i am awesome on the grill), Whole Foods Market ( no jobs available and i can't grow a decent beard) , perhaps a large chain home improvement or bulk shopping store.

These are the things i wanted to grow up and be: Ice-cream man, pest control guy, pool cleaner, quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys, cop, fireman, tattoo artist, work at Disney World, work in a motel, Italian chef, daredevil, vending machine owner, batman, airport security, comic book writer, talk radio host, life guard, physical therapist, rock star, boat captain, lawyer, detective, spy, pro surfer, lottery winner, pro skater, X-ray tech, priest, code enforcement officer, UPS driver, monk postal carrier, physical therapist.

this is what the universe has planned for me, right? this whole losing the job thing. It's going to be a fun, exciting spiritual experience and adventure. (living on the street?)

I don't think this is what my wife had planned when she married me last October. (thanks for being in the medical field and still having a job sugarbaby!) It's clear this is something I won't be able to write my way out of. Being pretty isn't going to help either. All my hidden talents will still be hidden, still not able to make me a living. And that's okay, I'm happy just making you happy.

I won't be able to write my way out of this situation but I can write about it. "Everything that happens to me is the best possible thing that can happen to me" I began practicing this belief two years ago. Now I'll show you.

I'll post my progress from time to time. between the other stories, motel rooms, missing her, striped socks, things that still matter, but..........

No pictures

there was blood on the white tile floor. smeared along the base-board- up the wall. I thought.. Oh no...and wondered if it was the rain cloud. Friday. this bad luck. the 13th. how does one get to believe in such things?
I arrived to work and there was glass from the front office door everywhere. exploded by a brick that lay near by. We have an alarm. it was still armed. Don't ask me how that happens. Glass and blood on the floor. Don't ask me why it's worth it. I know things are tough out there. I'm not blind. the sense of doom in the air with the gas prices and all the other shit. you can feel it. I know 4 people who have been robbed in the last month. people who have jobs and are trying to make money. to get by. Blood.Good it hurt a little. If it's worth it. It should. It does.
now what's missing?. secretary doesn't have a computer or monitor any longer. drawer open. no more stamps either. no boom-box to listen to her country music, no little desk fan that used to blow on her face, no company cell-phone. But the chinese lucky-cat I put up on the counter for good-luck is still there. You don't fuck with luck-cat. He saw who did it. cursed is what i say. if you believe in such things.
nothing taken from my office or anything from the warehouse. a smash and grab.
Do I consider myself lucky? Is this what I do?.
It is what I do. Everything that happens to me is the best possible thing that can happen to me.
I've practiced living that for months now. For the rest of my life. The blood, a little revenge.

Police came, dusted for prints. Door is ply-wood for now. Glass is on order. Security sensors added. Clean the floor. clean the stains. everything keeps going. everyone keeps going. I keep going. I keep dreaming. I keep waking up.
Everyday. Coming back for more.
coming for you.

art by:
1. Mike Egan
2. James Jean