Shark tooth necklace

Heavy showers most of the weekend. I was hoping for sun before the work week starts. Things have picked up there in the world of electrical supply. Ive been moved inside to the offices for most of the day , helping out with the counter when it gets busy or as needed. I don't mind writing up a few orders on the counter,the social interaction, listening to the customers , their stories. Selling. I have my own cubicle space inside, a direct phone line , a growing stack of vendor catalogs, business cards. I have a few contractor accounts already. Its different on the other side of things, before i was the one buying the supplies, now i sell them. And i have to say there is more fun and challenge in selling or getting materials people need then just ordering crap for a job you were the low bidder on , praying you stay in budget so maybe you might make some money. Screw that. Now they come to me for materials i know they need, all i have to do is give good service and decent prices and i get commission on top of that for just doing my job. Writing up orders. Getting myself fired from that other job was the best thing that could have ever happen.

The sun broke through in the Sunday afternoon. I drove to the beach bringing my dive mask, snorkel and fins. It had been so long since Ive been in the ocean i had almost forgotten how the salt feels on the skin, the briny smell , how it dries when you re in the sun and flakes off like table salt. It's peaceful swimming the surface looking into the shallows below. The colorful fish and coral reef , the pull of the tide, the gentle rock as you move forward kicking your feet as fins. I dive below to get a closer look , to become a part of the sea, my snorkel filling with water holding my breath. There is the silence where you can hear your heart beat. That you can look up from below while touching the sandy bottom, the sun surreal from this angle, fish swim by me curious to what i am and why i am here. Just to be somewhere else for a moment. heart beats and salt water. I make my up to the surface and clear the water from my snorkel.

the coconut and rum , sun tan oil and boiled shrimp. explorers and pirates made their way here to South Florida. Tomorrow ill be in a cubicle under fluorescent lights. But today the sun and the salt water drying on my lips.

 

my wait is u

They moved me. i was working at the new job for a month and they moved me to the main branch which is 18 more miles of over 4 dollar a gallon gasoline and toll roads away. highway miles,  high speed day dreams. Though its further it takes the same amount of time because of the open road. No red lights. No school zones. I shift from lane to lane on cruise control. I tell myself i wont tap on the break no matter what. slower cars , an 18 wheeler.  whatever I play games in the early morning barely light and then on the way home at 4:30. Several pay checks in the bank, i like buying the sneakers and wine again. maybe i should have been putting it away. There isn't much going on at this branch, its in the middle of nowhere. slow slow slow..its all i here all day from the sales dept, the managers, the corporate emails. So why did they hire me a month ago when they didn't even need me. I can't figure anything out anymore. Its all just experience for the next BIG thing. So far Ive learned a new wholesale supply industry computer system, been certified driving a stand-up lift (order picker),  and actually made 100 dollars commission in the short time i was at the other store just doing my job. Selling electrical and data products. Guess, we all cant be as busy as an Apple store or Starbucks in the morning. Hopefully, something turns around soon in the construction market or I have a feeling Corporate will come down and make sweeping and radical changes. They always do.
I knew this job with its good pay, 401k , vacation, all those wonderful things Ive never had before was probably to good to be true.

Like the when you're with someone and you know its going to good and she's pretty and funny and fucks like a whore but she's yours , at least most of the time and then you re like-  this doesn't happen. this doesn't happen to me. this good shit. and then you think it and of course it becomes true. it's what you fucking wished for.
 
So i wish all good things. for me and you and everyone. someone to fuck you good, to pay you good and job you LOVE so much its not like work. It's like fun. its like fucking. it's like i always told her.
everything should be like

Fuck
ing    

Go

Sunshine at the end of my street. luck rises with my every morning hard-on. I still growl for you. you still purr for me. I say, good im alive- good nothing has changed. i guess.
With every warm day this winter fades. sunshine at the end of my street, in my skin, in my blood. I want more than how it works, the box with windows where i do something for little money, more than the passing of road-kill on the nothing more than a drive to and from work. silly numbers on paper at the end of the week. I want car crashes and fires i want motel rooms and debits owed. a hot new mouth to kiss - yours. and i don't want roses, i want marks and bruises. a scar showing you were once mine and i yours. i want to pretend there is something more than the filling of space between us more than the fuck of lies of our life and death. This time is totally lost to me. i don't remember it. I take no sense impressions with me, no voices, none of the road noise, the hours waiting. Nothing sticks but smoke in our hair and clothes. It is dead time. It never happened until it happens again. Then it never happened.