how close do you remember the thunder storms?
 the snow drifts?
the parking lot -
hotel room sex?  how close do you still
keep me
in your heart?
one on one
nobody knows us
we cut the lines
we cut
cake
hiding away- hide you away
we opened up veins - watch 
me - watch you
I want you to open for me
how close do
lie your dirty heart
you still do ?
next to me

Codeine

Try to stay around and be good

 but end up  

falling backwards   

split fire-wood to fuel the fire. 

No secret I go where I shouldn’t , look where you hide.

Here is your chance to start thinking up the lies.

Im going to

say your name like I own you

how like our 

every first time is our last time

 you and those wintery eyes

Scratchy throat 
whatever medicine in my head 
messes me up 
makes me miss 
you
try to stay around
waiting
we are always always 
waiting

    The sun over the rail-road tracks is a shiny dot. Heating up the air through the cooler weather we've had the past few days. A small relief now gone.
I'm out back in the warehouse receiving a large shipment of light fixtures. Load on, load off. In and out, in and out. The flow of product, the flow of money, everything is a flow of something, of love...of blood, of life.
    The past isn't real. I warn myself to be careful of how treat memories. I squint through the sunlight it forces me to think of her, the time we spent at that old beach cottage. How it rained for two days and for two days all we did was have sex and watch cable on TV . Everything wet. When the clouds clear she is back from shore. She comes back shiny. She is sticky, salt-sticky, sex-sticky, too-much-sun-sticky.

Not just any tiger

You were the first and last thing on my mind.
Home from work. shower. a knock on my door. her face. her kiss. she tells me about her hectic day doing this and that and living with the thirst and hunger. So I order Chinese delivered.  We sit on the floor in front of the T.V. eating from tiny boxes like in the movies. To hungry. To thirsty. For her. sex on the rug, wood floor creaking under us. Chop-sticks rolling down the slope in the old floor. So drink. So eat. So fuck. Any tiger says so.
Woke up early. Heard her in the shower. She was singing to herself. I could hear it, through the wall.  

Addicted to candy

      “Every parting gives a foretaste of death, every reunion a hint of the resurrection.”
― Arthur Schopenhauer

     October - My Birthday month, my Halloween cake, and of certain anniversaries-  The death of us ever being anything but this.. hide and seek words read between the lines.
At least we have our ghosts.
Leave me signs in your poetry - in your photos.
Nightly visits to where I dwell. If I can never have you, then let me feel your presence. Deep. Let me fill your empty bones with hungry words and blood
music. Every road trip, Every night spent beneath the stars, every dirty bed.  I'll think of you with me. fucking like new lovers. some first time feeling
haunting. when I am nothing but uncontrollable. when I need to use every part you.  like every time is the best time. like every time is our last time.
Every birthday i wish for the same thing:
That this spell never ends.      

darling,, why haven't we met ?

Your fruit
fell
from the sacred tree
rolling over serpents head
and your devilish grin,
-hip roll
-your tidal-wave
genetically engineered
haunting and whoring
I hold you in such high favor-
Let you roam amongst the others
pass through them
unscathed, untouched, unearthed
because you are not of earth or stars
or stormy sea.
darling, roam. - so that they may taste
and hunger and 
thirst,thirst, thirst
you.

picture you staring

 

summer in your room. 

no strings attached. 

we don't have to talk.

say yes. lower-case letters.

come fuck me.

come haunt me.

                                                                                    

23

A tiger darling. and sometimes she won't tell the truth but says its for the best.
It will only piss you off- just remember - in the end it's always you.
now she's so far away - married , i think or something just
as complicated.
she's up all night - wondering always thinking
just like when she was 23 
I always find you out. 
See what you are up too. hope that you are happy
but kind of not. I'm sorry-  

I stay away it's for the best

in the end it's always you.
now go on and tell me those words you write
are about me?
tell me.
lie in bed. 
when you were 23 I was
so much 
older
think id know better
now
 -   

Blood and Sand

 Stayed in a place right on the beach this vacation. Nice thing about it other than being able to open up the glass doors to the patio and seeing the WAVES. It had a great pool and an awesome bar.
During the day I did the typical Island rum drinks. But at night I was thirsty for something more.
Part of this Inn was built in the late 1800's. One of the first places on the Beach in South West Florida where people could could stay. It is known as one of the best shelling beaches in the world. Due to the island being 70 percent natural reserves. It hasn't been built up with Condo's, flashy restaurants, car lots or fast food joints.

I was in the mood for a classic drink. Scotch.  The bartender looked me up and down and said.
BLOOD and SAND for you Sir.   All I can say is Im hooked. Its cherry-orange-spice burn smooth. Its a bit like blood - a bit like sand. Every day is Halloween. Even in the Summer on the beach.

The Blood and Sand Cocktail

1 oz scotch (blended or single-malt is fine)
1 oz. fresh blood orange juice
3/4 oz. cherry heering
3/4 oz. sweet vermouth
orange peel or maraschino cherry to garnish
Place ice in a cocktail shaker. Pour in the scotch, fresh blood orange juice, cherry herring and sweet vermouth. Shake until chilled. Pour into an old-fashioned cocktail glass, then garnish with a wedge of orange peel or a maraschino cherry.

We go We Stop We don't stop

 

All interpretation, all psychology, all attempts to make things comprehensible, require the medium of theories, mythologies, and lies.

- Herman Hesse

Getting out of town mid-week to a place where I can look out see the ocean. Salt in my hair warm breezes. Drinks with umbrellas. Drinks with just ice. I'm still without a camera since the beach incident. Lens wont open nothing works. I may go with a water-proof outdoor type when I rustle up enough info and money. Just when I was starting to get into it again. Guess it wasn't meant to be. For now.

Got a call out of the blue from a competing company. As of late many, by many I mean ALL of our outside sales reps have jumped ship and left to work for competition. Typical coporate moves that have gone awry has weakend sales and day to day account service has suffered. Anyway I was offered a job with a competitor who hired the outside guy I worked with and built up accounts with. I turned it down.They only offered to match my salary. I cant see moving for the same money when ive invested over two years building my reputation. A few of my biggest accounts went over to the other side. Fine. I see them coming back at some point. Least that is what im hoping. I cant figure out the direction of this company but im there for now. Least until they turn out the lights.

 

 

 

Bird who couldn't fly

Lov Sum er : 

We will meet get it over with and never speak of it again.. or we’ll pine like lovers lost in the dark fumbling around with wishes and wonders of fools. We start again and stop and you run and I hide and we lie and finally finally it’s done.

I play the mystery in my head a million times and million times I’ll make the excuse to key-stroke the letters to where ill know to find you. Your words and photos tear through my screen. I want those words to be for me, the pictures you take to impress him. Faded bruises I see on your neck - they used to be mine. You were my vacation. Fists and fireworks burning through this endless summer.


Bargain my time on craigslist:

I’ve left you alone.Time heals, true. but never forgets.

I'd drag you to bed if that were all enough. Tell me what is never enough?

Here, 

Dear you-

Do you want to get off the leash and on to mine for a little while?

Let me know if you're DTF sometime later next week. I’ll make it rough. Like you

want. Like you need. 

 

SSDD

Watching  my fair share of World-Cup action at work this week. Already fucked up a few orders: shipping out wrong items or quantities-  Not like me, since my M.O. has always been great attention to detail and most of all TCB (Takin' Care of  Business). Worked off the stress by running up the street to grab a ginger tea.

The girl at the check-out calls me “Sweetie” and I wonder how many calories are in the word sweetie and then I realize its just a word and it’s fat-free.

 

Started writing an email at work but ended up writing this and sending it to myself instead

Chapter one: 

They shut the internet down and no one will know me. This isn’t a fear it’s the truth. Now I write in notebooks and leave them lying around town, I spray paint stencils on walls. I'm used to putting myself out there. I'm used to at least a small amount of attention. I'm sure you are too.  

Speaking with people face to face is the new art. I’m not good at it.  Say, the butcher cuts the wrong sized portion of flank steak, I just smile and take it. I end up hiding the bloody mess behind a box of Apple Jacks. What? .... I didn’t want it. I don't even eat meat. 

We still have our phones and they say they will let us have those at least until all the satelites crash down to earth. But, im not good on the phone either. Ive been told I sound lethargic and bored. I say “Probably just bored. You bore me”. I don’t really  mean it.  The grid is falling apart it's in shambles. in a word. It's fucked. and so is the economy or that matter. But, youll be glad to know im getting on without internet girlfriends. Without of those kinds of "friends" at all. 

What im  having to do is meet girls through my drawings on backs of match-book covers.  Call me. I write and then toss them behind abandoned buildings and in front of the shelters. What im trying to say is , I miss the internet, but not as much as I miss you. 

 

 Daddy issues:
My girl jumps me every-time after I cook out on the grill. Today i went old-school charcoal. Ignitor fluid and hot coals. She says it reminds her of camping in the summer when she was a kid, of  her father and how the smell would stick to her hair and clothes.


The recipe: 

I grilled up some Mahi-Mahi  filets - we in Florida call more commonly Dolphin. My friend/ co-worker went to Bimini Bahamas last weekend for Memorial day and on the way up caught enough to share.  

"An olive-oil marinade with black pepper, cayenne pepper, fresh garlic, and lime imparts loads of flavor to mahi mahi in this recipe."

Ingredients:

3/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil 1 clove garlic, minced 1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper 1 pinch salt

2 tablespoons lime juice 1/8 teaspoon grated lime zest 2 (4 ounce) mahi mahi fillets 2 twists lime zest (optional)

Directions:

1.	Preheat an outdoor grill for medium heat, and lightly oil the grate.
2.	Whisk the extra-virgin olive oil, minced garlic, black pepper, cayenne pepper, salt, lime juice, and grated lime zest together in a bowl to make the marinade.
3.	Place the mahi mahi fillets in the marinade and turn to coat; allow to marinate at least 15 minutes.
4.	Cook on the preheated grill until the fish flakes easily with a fork and is lightly browned, 3 to 4 minutes per side.
5.	Garnish with the twists of lime zest to serve.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED © 2014 Allrecipes.com

P

Let's see how it goes

I'd say anything. try to keep you here. Perhaps you're young and I am old. So what you know it does. Why do your promises fall on me like stars? lies from a serpents tongue. oh, how I love the taste of yours. I guess every ones is different. constant reminders. hum and
drugs feel warm
on my skin
Sun. Summery kiss
Yes, my summer is here
and i'm not sure i like it but I will break
through your darkness anyway.
Let's watch these storms roll in. maybe once maybe twice.
I'm writing you from a hotel bed. I can see a beach chair from the window. salty rain. soak it up.
Lie next to me. Let's see how it goes.

Fall in me, I'll let you bleed

I'm at it again
making like the sharpness
digging in
doesn't faze
me
waiting for summer days
and her soft lips
spending my name
like a millionaire. 

Things don't sparkle like they used to

It was a very long long time before i thought about her again. Very long for me, almost a half hour, i think.