Monday, October 31, 2011
Best wishes to you on Halloween
She came to visit Halloween weekend. To carve pumpkins, to scoop out my heart.
I took photographs of her outside under skies the color of muscle, She held a long knife sitting in her undies, pumpkin between her knees. These are memories on a hard-drive.The fucking on my red Ikea sofa, on the floor, the bedroom, up against the wall in the hallway. I'd almost never remember any of this...if this wasn't the last time id ever see her again.
But, she drove over 200 miles to tell me about how much she loved Halloween. How she was only doing this because she couldn't stay away from me, even though it wasn't a good idea for either of us. For some reason she can't let us go. maybe never could, never will, no matter the circumstances. How are the circumstances now?
There was someone else she'd run back to once she was done with me. The carving and fucking and scooping out of my heart. I made a fuss at first. but she liked it to much when i got angry. she was something i couldn't have , but did have..really, and confused i kissed her hard and pushed her on the bed. I fucked her deep, she opened up, like that way there is no description for, like the way when you're breathing your last few fatal breaths, you'll remember and have no regrets about life. Because life was all about being inside her inside something that made sense at least for that moment. and now ....I get lost in the thought. I forget about what she took from me. How she will pack up and have her Halloween somewhere else, with someone else. but it was worth it wasn't it?. aren't we all better off now? I told you, i could handle the bleeding.