long days and her baby blues

I thought id write songs for you, start wars for you. I thought id kill the dime a dozen off and then we last forever. I started something and never finished and so you went and found diamonds and gold and baby powder. I'm up at night working out the details of this simple math. working out the word choices and project solutions. we still have penetrating line vibrations. x is y. why?
we still have soul.

First week of work down. There is dust on my boots and the hills and sands are behind me. Had to work a full day Sunday, I'm happy for the OT. I could use the money. Good wine isn't cheap. But where has my time gone? Where has my freedom went? No reading, no writing, no downloading comics. No mix tapes. 
Figures i start the week they plan to change the entire computer system out by the following Monday. I wasted a week floundering trying to learn the archaic system they were using and now we go live with a complete Ferrari of a system tomorrow. Ive had about an hour of training on it. I soaked up as much as i could Sunday. The computer manager they sent from Maryland to stay with us for the week while we adjust to the new system bought us lunch from a mom and pop sub shop down the street. It was then i first revealed to my co-workers i was vegetarian and would be ordering the eggplant sub. (which was amazing). They didnt seem to expect any different from me,  I am slightly bearded up and wearing glasses. My glasses only because i have a slight infection in my right eye due to my contacts. I got a prescription on Saturday for drops that cost me 50 bucks and that was with using my insurance scripts card. The drops are normally 120 dollars!!! its the smallest bottle of drops ive ever seen.
Its  85 degrees here tonight in South Florida. Things are heating up. This week should be interesting. 

When you call my name its like a little prayer

" Dear Christian:
  ........... the 'Company' is pleased to offer you the position .... at our Pompano Beach, US-Fl location "

I received the official offer of employment letter.  I accepted, filled out all the other paperwork online. I'm a drug screen test away now. I should be starting on Monday. A few more days of freedom.  

--

I've been paying more attention to universal signs, moving toward them instead of away. Ive never been one to believe things "just happen" without reason. But I have often been fearful to follow or try or move or do. , I'm learning when you open yourself up to things both big and small to the ordinary and the extraordinary, life can be more fun.

A week or so ago I was looking for work and I walked into a large music store. I thought it might be cool to work in a music store except for the fact I don't know much about many of the instruments or equipment they have. I own a drum kit - i know a little about that, I know a little about amps and other sound equipment and lighting. Anyway, there was a guy in there looking at guitar pedals and boards and all sorts of shit equipment for guitars that I've seen post-rock bands use. A piece of plywood on the floor with pedals and looping devices and reverb thingies bolted down on it. I asked him if he played any post-rock-instrumental music and he said he was in a band and they were heavily influenced by Explosions in the Sky, Grails, Mogwai, Sigur Ros, Moonlit sailor, and others. He asked if i played and i told him I have Garage Band and a Studio  app on my ipad and i have drums out in my garage. He invited me to check out his band , they were practicing later and gave me the address. I took this as one of those signs. Like what if  I actually get to play in some kind of post-rock band? or I manage them or something crazy. what if? right.

I Go. I drive to the address and pull up to a building, it's school rooms and a big ass Cross. It's a Calvary Chapel Church. It turns out his band is a Christian post-rock/indie band. They play at the church every Sunday service and get to use one of the class rooms to practice during the week. No wonder he was so friendly and nice. Ha. I was ready to peel out and head back home. But , what the hell, i was here- I'm doing this whole follow the signs thing and all....

Now, I'm not scared of church, religions, whatever. In fact they have always interested me. I mean my name is Christian... I went to a catholic school from 1st thru 5th grade. I was an altar boy. Ive been to many churches throughout my life of all denominations, even to a Buddhist retreat. (hot vegetarian chicks). I studied theology in college. I've always been interested in spirituality, religion, philosophy, science, and mysticism.

All i knew of Calvary was that i see tons of cars with bumper stickers with the Calvary logo stuck to them. I always thought is was a some kind of cult. But it turns out they are non-denominational, not overly bible thumpy or pushy. Most of all the band 3 guys and two girls do happen to be very good when they play instrumental post-rock. On Sundays they "sing" (yes they got me to go to a Sunday service) People raise up their hands like Ive seen on those Christian Rock commercials and everything. The lyrics to these songs..wow., well they remind me of Anime movies i watch where the subtitled translation of the song lyrics are really corny..like "Crimson stains fill the night and wash away by falling snow- lets fly higher and higher to the rainbows edge" actually i just made those up, the cheese factor is even higher. The Pastor(and this church has such a huge following that he isn't even at the location I was at, he does service at the BIG church in Ft.lauderdale and its beamed live and watched on a giant movie screen. I can see why they have a following, the guy is very entertaining, funny, not overly preachy. Kind of a guy who himself had problems with addiction and turned his life around. I can appreciate any good speaker/performer. It's why i love a great stand-up comedy routine. The set up, the punch-line and the recall. I enjoy speakers like His holiness the Dali Lama, Thich Nhat Hanh, various scientists, philosophers, Pema Chodron, Joyce Meyer,  a few motivational speakers. 

If you re wondering what the moral is to this...i don't have one. just that I listened to and followed signs and that's how i was lead to that experience. It wasn't life changing, but I'm friends with a few cool musicians now. I learned Calvary wasn't quite a cult? (they seem tolerant to all races, sexuality and such) but i don't know enough to say for sure.

Speaking of signs..you can check out what I'm reading, listening to, and watching by looking at the sides of this blog. Maybe something is there for you? I'm reading an interesting book right now called Madame Blavatsky's Baboon (A history of the Mystics, Mediums, and Misfits Who Brought Spiritualism to America).   Keep your eyes and mind open. listen. let go. 

not just yet

what's the right thing to do. I usually go into deep meditation or pray or go punch the heavy bag out in the garage when searching for an answer. I should have been working today. I took a job, the money was good. but I was curious about the "other" job and already had a 2nd interview scheduled. It was one I went for first. I used contacts and friends to put in a good word when i saw there was an opening. I worked it hard, but I wasn't sure how much they were offering. I had to know. So, I showed up for 2nd interview and wouldn't you know the offer was just as good +.
Now i had two good offers. Different opportunities. Nothing wrong with either. One is a much closer drive and has benefits. Ive never had benefits at any job. never had vacation pay, a 401k.

I was sold and then went home and wrote a letter- something to the effect-  "after much consideration I have decided to take another job offer." so,,yeah i wont be showing up tomorrow like i said i would.
I get rejection letters for employment everyday. and here i am turning a decent paying job down?

I'm waiting for paperwork now. I got an informal offer yesterday and I informally agreed. Now it goes through HR and they send out a "formal" offer, i sign and the process begins. I was told it takes about a week. Meanwhile, Im still not working. Im waiting for this formal letter. what if it doesnt come? I turned down the sure thing job. I could be starting this shit all over again. Fuck. The other place was nice about my letter, wrote back for me to call them if it doesn't work out. And holy shit what if i have to?

I went for the best choice based upon the facts i was given. I assumed they were serious about formally offering me the job. I mean why have me come in for a 2nd interview and then go over how much they were offering ? maybe this is a classic case of me thinking to much. I should be enjoying my time off knowing i have a good job secured, its just corporate red-tape. and like always, like everything. the wait.