Monday, January 23, 2012

A week, a month , a year dear

Hard being still, I'd read a book and close a chapter if i could. things left unfinished. I'm sure you know how that is? I'm sure you have your loose ends sitting there over in the corner of your mind. never far away. never not just a phone call, a text an email away. but we think.....we think better of this.

I look for work, instead of driving to work. opportunities are opening up. A few job interviews scheduled for this week. there was one I had this morning.  He asked how i prioritize my day, "Important things first? A combination of deadline and difficulty. first things first. I am sometimes a controlled chaos, but I always get things done on time." i say things that you probably shouldn't say. I forget there are no right or wrong answers as long as you're not completely rational or honest. I can do almost anything. I believe if i worked hands-on with a heart surgeon. I could learn that. No books. no school. just operate. My skills apply to everything. I write about how i do things. and then I do things. I write and it comes and I do.

There is this thing I keep loosing sight know,, the whole doing what you love thing. I get desperate to make money. I start passing up things i like over the salary i see listed. though i have no real interest in the job. just sitting at a desk for hours. looking at numbers. I have something more to contribute to the world. 

Its hard to let go. Its hard to let go and believe that if you open up, the universe brings you  what you want. i cant sit still long enough, listen long enough. I want to fuck and fight and do something other than listen and wait and be still.  but at least i have the silence of this room, the tapping of these
comfort me.

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