Thursday, January 19, 2012
to one day strongly agree
"What would you do if this were the last day of your life?"
she asks me this as i stare into the clear glass case, sports drinks and juice beverages chilled to the level, the first sip almost always burns. I ponder this strangers question.
We are here. now, together, that must mean something. maybe you know something i dont know?. maybe we follow patterns we cant control, we jump from wave length to length . we think about these things. because we simply think to much about things.
I lost my job. i tell her. i tell her maybe i hated it so much the universe took me out. maybe i dreamed of better things, not money, just something. You have to lose everything. Start over. It hasn't been easy. My habit is to work, to be somewhere, to chase money. do anything. work anywhere. my ego counts on this.
She says it doesn't matter. What if this was your last day..a meteor, a rocket, a star ship?. what if you wasted this day, this time. this now..thinking, worrying.
What are you selling? i ask her. Have you ever filled out those application for retail stores, grocery, big-box corporate chains? have you ever had to fill all that out and take that test? answer I strongly agree or disagree on all questions. I read that somewhere. they never want you to be in between, to be logical. to tell the truth. love everything. everyone. get along. and still .. i tell her...they won't ever call you.
I am a creature of habit and denial. I want something. I wanted change and i got it.
She smiles. you wasted it. you wasted it thinking. you think and that's all you do. If you aren't finding the answers maybe you are asking the wrong questions. The past is nothing but what was the future what isn't yet and you can't even know.
I watch her move to the counter to pay for her soft-drink, her candy bar.
"Don't think about this" is all she says. the doors whoosh open automatically