there will be traffic and smoke. there will be pay. (edit)

- It's not hard to trace the doubt but never you'll find me in regret. the cost of living through a sea of words. salt water tending to these old wounds. I have never been on my own and always alone. I have never been on paths secured by guard rails. I have heard her voice. i have kissed her mouth. i have fell. i have tasted you. sweet eve, sweet victory, the sting of bee, the venom of snake, the tear of salt, the blood of your wine. if poison be the drink we serve best, let me drink from your cup. and if there be lies in the stories we tell, let there between the lines be always truth. -

11 days out of work. though I had some money saved and unemployment funds were deposited into my account. I went into survival mode. i went into force of habit. I filled out application after online application. and after no instant results i pushed harder. maybe the media is right, maybe there are no jobs? but i looked around and saw movement and flow and just didn't see it fitting the pattern. If you want something. you'll get it. it comes to you. always. I wanted everything and everything came- at once. 3 job offers. Two of them for more money than i had been making two weeks ago.

I figured maybe i could devise a way to work at home part-time (making a few bucks doing creative things) and have a part-time job. Besides being unfair to my wife(though she gets to help people and enjoys her job) but also curse me for wanting wine from a bottle and not out of box, for my love of buying things on a whim, like sneakers and expensive ingredients to prepare my favorite meals. So, I found a job that is in area of work Ive never done before, but uses many of the skills i have. It pays more than i was previously making and seems challenging enough. I will be able to add these new skills and experience to my arsenal. My thinking is in terms of 3 to 5 year plan. Obtain knowledge and skills i don't already have while working in something new, and either move forward or find something I enjoy even more using the combined experience. It just doesn't make sense to go backwards- to take less pay for something I'm not focused on really enjoying. This still follows my philosophy: Live, work, create. 

edit: I went to a 2nd interview with a company in my field (electrical), except it's the supply side, not the contractor side. (I'm sick of the contractor side) a Big name in the industry, benefits, paid vacation. opportunity for growth. They matched my other offer. It's closer to my home, i wont have to be behind a desk all day and i know people who have worked their for many many years. I think this will be a good thing.

why are you so far away

I am about to be pounding the pavement, scanning the internets, and faxing out resumes. It looks like I'm joining in the hunt for a new and improved limited edition job. It's going to be like trying to purchase an Audrey Kawasaki print. well, i hope not that hard.

We are closing down shop here after 23 years. ( i will no longer have a job soon).

Finding a job at what i already do and have skills for is next to impossible. I am intrigued by the possibilities of something entirely new: hmmmm entry level government job?, something or other in the medical field (brain surgeon? do you need schooling for that?) , flipping burgers (i am awesome on the grill), Whole Foods Market ( no jobs available and i can't grow a decent beard) , perhaps a large chain home improvement or bulk shopping store.

These are the things i wanted to grow up and be: Ice-cream man, pest control guy, pool cleaner, quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys, cop, fireman, tattoo artist, work at Disney World, work in a motel, Italian chef, daredevil, vending machine owner, batman, airport security, comic book writer, talk radio host, life guard, physical therapist, rock star, boat captain, lawyer, detective, spy, pro surfer, lottery winner, pro skater, X-ray tech, priest, code enforcement officer, UPS driver, monk postal carrier, physical therapist.

this is what the universe has planned for me, right? this whole losing the job thing. It's going to be a fun, exciting spiritual experience and adventure. (living on the street?)

I don't think this is what my wife had planned when she married me last October. (thanks for being in the medical field and still having a job sugarbaby!) It's clear this is something I won't be able to write my way out of. Being pretty isn't going to help either. All my hidden talents will still be hidden, still not able to make me a living. And that's okay, I'm happy just making you happy.

I won't be able to write my way out of this situation but I can write about it. "Everything that happens to me is the best possible thing that can happen to me" I began practicing this belief two years ago. Now I'll show you.

I'll post my progress from time to time. between the other stories, motel rooms, missing her, striped socks, things that still matter, but..........