Showing posts with label heliumglow. Show all posts
Showing posts with label heliumglow. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

this is how it used to glow

a pink house next to a yellow house, next to pale blue. it's South Florida. I drive past Spanish, key west, ginger bread style casa's. pink flamingos and invisible fences, little dogs that play on dry lawns while shiny cars sit in the drive ways.

a pink house next to a sun yellow with swamp green trim. I drive past road kill iguana, road kill raccoon. I've counted six in the last two weeks. it's the half moon crazy fuckers fueled up on red bull and orange juice. It's the black top and salted earth lit by headlights and tourists drowsy from the sun. they come down from where it's cold, from some place else. sometimes i think that's where I'm from. not the cold. just some place else. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, ... pastel houses and road kill.

I think it's the heat that makes everyone so crazy, makes the women so kinky down here. fisting, spanking, spitting. been there done that. fist fights and bottle rockets. the days are slow and the nights dance with the glimming hope and fear of anything better. But is there?

It's funny, i remember those nights meeting up in some dingy motel room, pulling at each other clothes with the longing you only have with strangers - when the only parts that matter are the ones you fuck with. freshly shaved down, if i thought about it, it's almost comical. who the fuck were we kidding? tattoos, sweat, and empty promises. sometimes, I still think i own a piece of it. If i call her name that girl can probably still hear me. she'd have to, anyone fucks you like that..they own you. now, you see what i mean about the heat?

The girls down here... smile often. they sleep to the right side of the bed, they drink bottled water, green soda, and blood.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

and i was highly over-rated

Eventually something you love is going to be taken away. And then you will fall to the floor crying. And then, however much later, it is finally happening to you: you’re falling to the floor crying thinking, “I am falling to the floor crying,” but there’s an element of the ridiculous to it — you knew it would happen and, even worse, while you’re on the floor crying you look at the place where the wall meets the floor and you realize you didn’t paint it very well and when you’re having sex with your next lover on this very floor they will also notice that you didn’t paint it very well and they will think less of you for it. And then you think, “Is that sentence too long?” and then you have to hold the contradictions of sobbing uncontrollably and wondering about grammar in your head at the same time.

— Richard Siken


i never kept it hidden. myself. I never kept myself hidden.
I was always there. maybe deep okay, maybe buried down
real deep.
maybe with that body in the woods,
with those secrets,
maybe just where my heart
lies
oh, boy - how it ever lied

but that was only because...... really now, I have no excuse.
you called me baby, I called you my baby.

now look at us. yeah do.
I'm not hiding. I/m here.
digging
digging it all up
just to bury it back

Thursday, May 15, 2008

all your pretty things

promises:

'fall back and I'll catch you' that's what was on the post-card she sent me. It's a German phrase about trust in romance. but once she finally let go. I told her that she could no longer have me. It's kind of a joke between us now. because once i didn't have her, I wanted her back. It was a shock to me just how much i missed her. just how far I'd go.
there is no game in letting go, which is why people rarely do. or one does and not the other. or both do and then you're really fucked. just how far will go? why do I always have to know that. we kissed. yeah. we lied some. we won. I think. or lost. and this is whats left. I'm glad the scary part is over. Oh, and what i said before about it being a joke between us. it's not. I just said that.


snow fight:

I am the opposite of bear. I want to hibernate in the summer.
Driving up the coast past the orange groves. less people on the road. the tourists have all gone home. bugs splatter against my wind-shield. when i finally get to the ocean, its flat. So I just paddle out and lay on my surf-board. I ride the wind-chop in to the shore. I'm sleepy from the drive. If I want to rest, there is a motel room close by. the inside looks like right out of the 70's. bright flowery bed covers. in the bathroom the sink and bat-tub are pink. The floors are linoleum and cool on bare-feet.
She lives closes by and if I call her, there is a good chance she might come. We'd listen to music and fuck and then Id be hungry and more tired. the sun.
What i do is, I ask her to tell me about snow. I ask her what its like to sled or make a snowman. then I'm cold. the noisy Ac unit in the room is pumping and grinding out ice cold air.
I pull the covers over us. Hibernate with me.

cake fight:

The heat is unbearable. when i was a kid i never noticed the heat. Maybe because I spent most my time hiding in the woods. the trees covered me with shade and there was a breeze that would blow branches and leaves, making a constant creaking and shhhhh- shhhhhh shhhhh..sound.
I searched for dirty magazines that the older kids would hide. somewhere in those woods I bet it's still there. the magazine with the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders. naked!. i swear. i found it under rotting ply-wood and leaves. usually I'd just look - put it back where i found it. but i wanted this one. so, I took it away and buried it.
I buried so many things in there. my little army guys, micronauts, bottles, cans, a lighter that i stole from my father, a knife from home, dead things I found. I peed on a girl in the woods. I touched her and she touched me back. once I brought a plastic thermometer from a doctors kit i had when i was little. I put it in her butt. It's there too. dirty. buried. I buried the truth there...... I buried our secrets and lies. I wish it was as easy now. the heat is unbearable.

photos by: in order of appearance
whywhat

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

give them bread and circuses


all the starving artists with rich parents
sit at coffee house
tables
reading fat books by authors with fat names
and fat pockets

thinking up fat lies
and eating veggie
snacks
rhyming
shit words
in moleskine journals

except-
ORANGE
because you can't think of
one for that

rolled up skinny
ink
sleeved arms
i-pod
filled with
latest pitchfork
rave review bands
and there is probably a guitar pick
in your back pocket
blues
song

making up your plans with
text messages
and
phones set to vibrate
or the just be
silent
shhhhhhhhh
because i don't want him
to know

the hipster kids playing kick-ball in the park
something they missed out on in 4Th grade
i guess
probably picked last
and now they can kick
drunk
now
picked first
finally something-
bad hair cuts, poor vision and
shirts 2 sizes to small
no wonder
you are always
SAD

finally something
for the love me
daddy
boys and girls

a kick in the face
a phony on the
merry go round
tiger
round and round
whatever happened to keeping
your eye on the prize?

I'm not the catcher in
rye
nor the character
in a book
who sweeps
her off her feet

i am the taste of bitterness
and delight
and I am the nightmare
who ruined
it all

skinned knee'd and bruised
choking on that
last bite
of cake
she
waits
and waits

and

waits

** This is Re-posted from my LJ blogs: fightcake, heliumglow. check them out from time to time. Different flavors. **

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Dig down deep or don't bother fucking digging at all


The pictures make the words
cheap
the wine cheapens the lies
and your lips
taste like wine
and
lies
so
as it all comes to me
now

as you haunt my dreams - just like you wanted
as you left my life - is it just how you imagined?

but if i wanted- I could
i could take
her
away from you

swiftly like before
like falcon
like panther
like soldier
like sin
like the whore in the night - meets saint in
motel room

like evil meets light
I believe it
and what you believe is so
so it
is
so I hear her
so I feel her
so I know
this moon is our moon
always

and that night
when I was drowning
when I was deep
when I said
slut
love
fuck
and shit
when I kissed your bruised mouth
and swollen lips

all of our lies
came to life
inside
you