I like it , what is it ?

it sounded so much better playing in her room. inside out. turning me inside out. the music floated to the ceiling. it gently bounced off walls. it meant something. scratches and bites and all.
sometimes it means new or change or something you've never done before. jump. leap. live. lyrics you can't hold or understand. It means illumination. it means dark secrets mixed with drum beats. there is want and need heavy in the air. breathing.
the song had meaning because you were there and i was there and we sang it deep in our hearts. i felt it on my mouth and in my hair and fingers. I felt it on your skin and inside you.
somewhere along the line, the scar closed, the memory tape healed over by time. time steals these quiet moments, the ones i tried so hard to hold and not let go. the smell and feel of her. its on the tip of my tongue but just out of reach.  her voice when she said my name. the song that played. now just a soundtrack on a rainy day. background. I feel words. i don't hear music. i feel text. I think of you. I write it. nothing more.

2008: From before and today

culture reject brown bird







These are my choices for best albums of 2008.

Carving through bone

House clean. oven hot. the windows open with light pouring in- warm smells of food and clove. Football chatter coming from the T.V. Tennessee scores again.
I played my guitar out on the porch for awhile. strum and hum. I need a high and low voice to back me up. A me and a you. Ive written lyrics for this im working on but they are vague. It's more the feelings. when i woke up I decided on a melody but it sounded to much like something ive been listening to all week. That happens, you hear or read something and you can't help for it to sink into you. Then you have to release it somehow. It shows up your art. Im thankful for the inspiration.
I like the sounds from outside. the birds and motors low hum, the cars that pass. I think the entire neighborhood is cooking all at once. Everything smells so good. The air and the sky is amazing.


We don't share memories of having holidays together. Not my birthday or yours, not valentines, thanksgiving, christmas, not easter, not halloween. We have between all that. The in between. We are the love in between. We have become our own holiday.
I glance over at the night stand. I can make the shadow of my watch. Something familiar. Something me, something from home.
I'm in her bed under blankets. I am wrapped safely in her lies. She is drowning in mine.
we keep breathing. now and after. Time won't wait for us.
My watch keeps the time. Its touched you, it's spent the night in your room. When i last looked at it I was with you. I'll look again someday and be somewhere else. With someone else.

I wonder how it would look worn on your wrist. Heavy and big with glowing numbers illuminate the cool darkness. hands, to count our minutes and hours to count when we meant something and when we didn't. the fall. the falling apart. when you call me I will note the time. I will remember when you say goodbye. I will say...at two o clock tomorrow i will be over you.

I don't think you ever really move on from someone. you just make room in your heart for new people.

Sugar and Ghosts

The fourth. It was the traditional fish tacos and fireworks for me. The girls are vegetarian. Living with two non-meat eaters is challenging. Ever go shopping with two girls? one a teenager?. Fuck I'm tired. They know how to give a credit-card a work out too. First clothes, then we noticed the Linens' and Things by us was having a location closing sale. We bought a bunch of Nate Berkus sheets, a Comforter and pillows for 50 percent off.
I think we look weird out on the town. My girl and I have full sleeves of ink and her daughter with pink hair and hot topical .

shot off fireworks in front of the house for about an hour, we watched the others in the neighborhood for a little bit longer. Amazing display some people put on.

I got to play my drums really loud. No one is going to complain with all the fire-works going on. right? Oh, I have an acoustic guitar now too. So I expect to have my first demos out soon.
Music is more fun than writing words for me at the moment.

I am sure that will change. Everyone does. Everything does.

long term effects are not known

There was one like this.
some blog about movies, panties, music and cigarettes. Some shit about Friday nights and hair clips. It wasn't so much bragging but it was about fucking too. not like porn. not like just all memories either. I mean you didn't know if it happen yesterday or today. I think all the sex stuff was just to piss some people off though, I cant be sure.

It's like about hotel rooms and smoke and wine all over the page. It's the little things that count. It's what it means to you and not them that matters most. I know if you tried to figure it out (the words) it would just hurt your head. You'd just end up in tears. feeling sad about something you didn't do. something just short of obsession. something or someone you couldn't ever have. I'm not sure, but I think that's what all the writing was about.

People change though, I'll give you that. But you go back every once in awhile and he'll still be talking about the same shit. Missing the same fucked up girl. Spilling his heart all over the page like the worst country love song. I want to tell this guy , It will get better. but I know it won't. It's something to talk about and sometimes you just say things to hear how they sound. I get the idea I love you is just one of them.

The pictures aren't that good though. Not like here. fuck. the words aren't so great either. but what I admire is that he tries. He doesn't care if he gets any ones attention. not hers, not yours, not mine.

You see, there was one like this. A lot like this.

It is this.

your back roads.
they twisted and turned
it was a fine night.
the other night.
The next night.
tomorrow
night.

That night.. (that night) you made everything alright

Just finished re-watching Thursday nights new episode of THE OFFICE. ( thanks to Dvr) Now I have that stupid song stuck in my head. Speaking of which.....

Here's a Mix- tapeI put together to start your weekend off. Muxtape is a pretty fun and easy way to put one together. Go there and make one. (Don't forget to send me the link to it).

click for a GoodWinter musical adventure: http://goodwinter.muxtape.com/

artwork:http://tamaxxx.egoism.jp/

baby I'm a star

There was this magnet program in H.S. I signed up for it in my sophomore year. I would have to take the bus 45 minutes away to Lake Worth H.S.
but so what, it was a free film- school program.

I'm not even sure why they ended up picking me. Whatever made me think I could shoot films in the first place?. I didn't even own a regular camera. I may have taken maybe 4 pictures in my life and that was on Polaroid film.
I got in though and I took it as a sign of fate.

It's not like in 1986 every kid had access to a video camera. For some reason my parents had one. (I never asked)
So, what we were told to do at the sign up thing was to go shoot a short movie and edit it with some equipment that was made available to us. This was all during my summer mind-you.

I waited until the last week or so and got a few friends together.
One a girl, who's phone number I kept all summer but was afraid to call.
Ah. but the courage a geek can get while holding a movie camera.
and the incredibly creepy but predictable line "I think you're great, would you like to be in my movie?" meaning.. you're hot will you fuck me if i put you in my movie?

It took the entire following school year to find out if I was getting in or not.

I shot the movie with 3 friends, one of them actually was really into movies: acting, directing, writing. I mean, REALLY driven. I didn't understand his desire and took the entire thing as a joke. Not art. To me it was fantasy. Just an easy fun class to get me out of my school. No-one would know me here. Maybe the film thing would get me girls. I mean I did\do everything to impress woman. Doesn't every guy. If they tell you different they are lying.

The film or should I say video was close to 3 minutes and was a horror\kung-fu\music video. I wanted to do a Sixteen Candles type of scene thing. But was told there was to much talking and my script wasn't very funny. So, we scraped that and used my friend Joe's, black belt experience in martial arts. Becca's screaming ability. (not to mention her humongous tits)

I don't know. This was right before the movie Dirty Dancing came out in theaters. ( another story for another time)
We didn't have much to work with for inspiration. Rambo, Soul man, Stand-by Me..those were movies of that time. MTV was playing Micheal Jackson and R.E.M in heavy rotation. It took great effort to find anything cool and different. 120 minutes late night on MTV or Rock Over London late nights on the radio. Or you could just ask Cassie because she seemed to be up on bands and films that I am certain hadn't been invented yet. I kept trying to figure out where she was hiding the Delorean and the Flux Capacitor.

It was my idea to do some camera tricks while running the film backwards. The film editor I was able to use had a reverse on it and by God I was going to use it. We made a few things appear to float and some kung fu flying tricks. I am pretty sure that's what impressed the instructor and got me in the class. Just a note**but I'd say Michel Gondry (eternal sunshine, science of sleep) is one of most brilliant using simple effects in modern feature films. I heard is upcoming film Be Kind Rewind is full of them. He created this one http://youtube.com/watch?v=Xs2IU-jTte8

The class was as awesome as I thought it would be. But I got kicked out. Caught tripping on acid, with a girl in the editing room, and that was the least of what really went on. The instructor would leave for most of the class. Doing God knows what. When he did show up he made us watch his films of naked kids playing at the beach. He had hours of that shit. Looking back though he had some pretty advanced ideas about film and where it was heading. He was right in most cases. He said actors would whisper lines so that you could barely hear them, independent film would become main-stream and computers would be a huge part of it all in the future.

He said all writers were liars. A film-maker can't be a complete liar. Audiences see right through that on screen. Watching something as opposed to reading it. People are more programmed to believe what they read, not what they see. Separate the truth from lies and art from shit.

and this is what

You
get.