beneath the fireworks

I'll spare you the details of being off- the- grid for a bit. cause you'd hardly noticed. It's just that hard drives crash especially in laptops. all the pictures, and things you've written, the stolen songs, i-tunes, emails- all of it. you kinda wish you made a back- up of some sort- but who has time? and in the grand scheme of it all, is any of it really worth anything. I mean. really?

but i do know how to get up and running fairly easy, I know from experience. I know a lot of things from experience and when you are charging very hard at 39 years old you are fucking old enough to know a few things. you kind of earned the right to have the scars and lines and fine, I won't live forever and I don't look as good as I used to but somehow better in other ways.

So, what I'm saying is I know about getting a 2.5" usb enclosure and sticking your bad laptop drive in it - plug it in to another computer and save all the data you want from it.
10 U.S. dollars and a spare laptop hard-drive i had lying around and wow I'm back. A few re-installs like the OS, (operating system), drivers and all my music and porn are waiting like stalkers. Isn't that what computers are for?. That and looking up suspected illness i might have or get in the future. That and saying hi, saying i miss her, saying come pick me up. I'll pick you up.
That and fantasy football, and looking up hacks to take spaceball.gif off of flickr photos i want to save. that and the letters and how she looks in plaid dresses in the summer sun. looking at cute dog pictures, and movie schedules, getting music months in advance to their release date. I'm not saying i could live without it. without you. without.
I'm saying i try. The things it's good for..... you finding me.
that and telling stories.
some as good or as bad
as this.

credits:
supercult

Sugar and Ghosts

The fourth. It was the traditional fish tacos and fireworks for me. The girls are vegetarian. Living with two non-meat eaters is challenging. Ever go shopping with two girls? one a teenager?. Fuck I'm tired. They know how to give a credit-card a work out too. First clothes, then we noticed the Linens' and Things by us was having a location closing sale. We bought a bunch of Nate Berkus sheets, a Comforter and pillows for 50 percent off.
I think we look weird out on the town. My girl and I have full sleeves of ink and her daughter with pink hair and hot topical .

shot off fireworks in front of the house for about an hour, we watched the others in the neighborhood for a little bit longer. Amazing display some people put on.

I got to play my drums really loud. No one is going to complain with all the fire-works going on. right? Oh, I have an acoustic guitar now too. So I expect to have my first demos out soon.
Music is more fun than writing words for me at the moment.

I am sure that will change. Everyone does. Everything does.

that crack in the mirror, the note-book you stole and pillow you left behind

I got afraid of
falling
I got afraid
of
sleeping
I got afraid
of alone

fireworks
and pitbull dogs
don't scare me
love don't scare me
saying it does

drinking
didnt solve for X
C=
numbers and letters
unknown

It's just a name
It's just a soundtrack
It's just
me
slipping
away


There was this time when we were talking about how she would befriend all my heroes. All these people I had admired. Artists, muscians, directors. I thought she might enjoy, what I liked.
So I showed, her, I made her listen. It wasn't to make her remember me. It wasn't planned.
I'd rather we stuck around. I'd rather it be round after round. Rocket ships and battle ships.

Then I would see these artists and such on her myspace list. Comments. Something about being addicted to talent, or attracted or whatever. That's what she said.
I never watched his movies again, I didn't look at the other guys art the same way. Here I was writing a blog that nobody's reads. Just your angels stalking me, how bad am I for you?
How bad could it be. Really. The pieces fit. Come rest your head on my stomach. Come hear the pounding in my chest. Come touch me. I am still warm.

Funny, I can say these things now. I used to like fishing. I used to like driving on the country back-roads and watching thunder-storms from the back of my truck. I used to like Johnny Cash. I'm not saying she ruined them. Just things change. Like it or not. I used to like DisneyWorld and doing it until my fever broke. I used to like it on top. I used to like you. I still do. Only different. only like a dream or like words that write themselves and letters that I never send. Only this time is different. I'm not so afraid. I'm not so alone. I'm not so unsure. you said don't make you wait. you said you were tired. which is it? And how I still don't like Wednesdays.