let it be me

Dallas-

It's been a year this week since you've gone. When i say i miss someone, I mean you. People won't ever understand me. The true silence we had between us. It's all dog talk and the most logical of thinking. Eat,sleep, watch t.v., football on Sunday. No stress. no worries. You the lucky dog and me just
lucky to have had you.

We shared the secrets and all those girls in our bed. you just sleep. you just sleep, and play and swim and eat. (we both like eating)
know that I think of you every day. that you changed me.

I pet you for the last time in that room. I felt your soft fur under my hand and took off your collar, breaking my heart. you didn't seem scared. So i wasn't. I told you i would always take care of you until the end. For the first time in my life i saw something through. I learned so much about myself because of you. I trust wearing my heart on my sleeve no matter how much it might end up hurting, no matter who's watching, listening, reading.
I wasn't losing you. I didn't lose you that day, yesterday, today. I will always miss you, always love you, you'll always be my dog and best friend. In my heart....Still, silently knowing.

You make my teeth hurt

You made crusty bread rolls...

You made crusty bread rolls filled with chunks of brie

And minced garlic and drizzled with olive oil

And baked them until the brie was bubbly

And we ate them thoughtfully, our legs coiled

Together under the table. And then salmon with dill

And lemon and whole-wheat couscous

Baked with garlic and fresh ginger, and a hill

Of green beans and carrots roasted with honey and tofu.

it was beautiful, the candles and linens and silver,

The winter sun setting on our snowy street,

Me with my hand on your leg, you, my lover,

In your jeans and green T-shirt and beautiful feet.

How simple life is. We buy a fish. We are fed.

We sit close to each other, we talk and then we go to bed

by Gary Johnson

Charm City: My Boo-berry Night
Part 7

Dear
Rachael Ray -
I know you are busy and find it difficult due to your schedule to answer my emails (200 and counting.) First off, I know everyone says this but REALLY, I am a normal guy who has admired you since your first appearance on Food Network. I predicted you'd be a mega super-star and I think you have accomplished that and so much more.

Side note: You love dogs and I love dogs. I also enjoyed the Japanese style blouse you were wearing the other night on 30 minute meals. It had the cherry blossoms on it. I have cherry-blossoms artwork incorporated in my tattoo sleeve piece. I could send you pictures if you like or you can check out my MYSPACE page. (FussnfightnCakn). There is also what could be considered a small "shrine" to you on there, don't be scared. I have them set-up throughout the net for all my girl-friends, and ex's. NOT that you are either, but I start them for others I admire as well. Including ... Bukowski, Rollins, Boy George, Evel Knievel, the guy who wrote Calvin & Hobbes, some soccer and football players, Bobby Flay..haha. (just kidding). ummm Anthony Bourdain. (Even though I know he called you EVIL in a recent interview. I quote: “She's got a magazine, a TV empire, all these best-selling books — I'm guessing she's not hurting for money,”"She's hugely influential, particularly with children. And she's endorsing Dunkin’ Donuts. It's like endorsing crack for kids.”'I do not agree with him on this front. I mean he would pimp himself out for ACTUAL Crack if someone paid him enough. (not to mention try it first) Who is he kidding? Ha.

Anyway, You get the idea, I am inspired by many. No one as cute as you, I must say. I am just smitten every time you smile or say "EVOO", "Sammy", "kids in the bath", "How good is that?", "Yummo" or mention your dog "Isaboo". Rach, I know how much you miss your original BOO dog and I am sorry. I recently lost my best-friend as well. Dallas, he was a Labrador Retriever and I think about him every single day. I was so happy to hear you adopted "Isaboo" and how much she reminds you of Boo. Also interesting Isabella is my favorite name for a baby-girl too!!. That you named your dog Isaboo because of that, is unbelievable. I know you won't believe this but since I don't have children and didn't foresee any in the near future I thought of Isaboo as a name for a doggie too. Is that ridiculous or what?

I saw you on the covers of not less than 4 magazines while waiting in line at Whole Foods. You were also on a Trisket crackers box, and I passed a Dunkin Donuts on the way home which displayed your latest ad and catch phrase. I recently caught another anti-Rach article where a source quoted you as saying on set " Get me real coffee, not that Dunkin Doughnut stuff, it's shit" and then you demanded Starbucks? You sent your intern out for Starbucks? Ha. I find that funny even if it's true. A few Diva antics don't bother me at all Rachael.(We all need our coffee) I mean Starbucks does have much more of a selection, better music and cooler logo. So what, you can afford the extra 3 or 4 bucks per. That's why you have the 5 shows, commercials, book-tours and give up enormous amounts of your time. Sacrifice. Dedication. You deserve whatever coffee you want. They pay you to do the commercial not drink or eat the stuff 24-7. What don't people understand about that?? People are so quick to judge others integrity. Pure and simple jealousy. Show Business. I guess people don't understand the second part.
I don't believe the tabloids either. Your husband would be crazy to cheat on you. By the way, I am also Sicilian\Italian. I write short-stories, blogs, music, own a business, and love any product that will pay me to endorse it. We have so much in common!!!. I know you are cooler than your TV persona I heard the bands you listen to and books you read and you are really an indie low-brow girl at heart. Hey, money, mansions, diamond rings can change a girl. But not at heart. Not in the center. Stay in the center Rachael.
Your friend,
X

This is a repost from my livejournal Fightcake http://fightcake.livejournal.com/. Some posts are friends only. So become one. It's a journal about a blog thats about a book, related to food, cupcakes, cakes, and candy. In other words- Yummy shit. You'll figure it out. You're smart.

One & Done

I'm sorry If I ever got any by-standers involved with following my Dallas Cowboys.

My passion for them has been recorded.

I'm sorry if they make you think of me and I'm sorry if you are sorry for me today.

(If you are laughing- FU)

Really though,

One and done? . My heart was ripped out. (again)

I want to not care. In a few days or weeks I probably won't as much.

All my rituals, my superstitions. Yes, it's true I didn't wash my "lucky" Cowboys shirt all season. 13-3. Before the playoffs. Not enough to erase the Jessica Simpson curse I guess. Why does our QB take a trip to Mexico with her before the big game? He knew the media would follow his every move. Can't find a good taco in Texas? I don't believe it.

Did I expect at the start of the year they'd only lose 3 games? No. I had fun watching so many wins. Unexpected.

NFC East Champions. Number one seed and home-field thru the playoffs. I thought I was dreaming. I started to believe. We (They) held all the cards.

But, yesterday happen. I woke up and my heart was missing. I am numb.

They lost in an unspectacular fashion. The Giants whom we beat twice during the regular season, did nothing special. We did nothing at all. Choked.

Today, I was streaming the Cowboys official flag-ship station out of Texas. Listening to the woulda and coulda's. The Coach had a press-conference filled with excuses. It was criminal. Bringing up they had a good season being 13-3 and had improved from last season. But really they didn't. They lost the first game in the playoffs last year too. To me, it's still losing.

Broken hearts......and right at the start of 2008. Oh well, things don't start getting good until after the end of January anyway.

The picture up top is from over this past weekend. A day before my nightmare. I am having family over more often now that my dog is gone. Am I saying as a replacement to my pets? Well, he was my best-friend.

But, really I didn't have many people over when my dog was sick for the past year.

So, my sister and her girlfriend came over for some sashimi\sushi and to watch a movie. (Stardust) If you haven't seen STARDUST it's pretty good if you are into fairy-tales.

Obviously, I am. I thought the Cowboys had a chance to make it to the Super Bowl.

"The future you have tomorrow won't be the future you had yesterday" - from the book RANT by Chuck Palahniuk