Thursday, April 28, 2011

the fade away



 Am I her bruise? I wonder this under the halogen canopy lighting glow. In the stillness of night pumping four dollar-a- gallon gasoline into my truck. glug- glug- glug. road trips and bruises are an extravagant expensive. Soon, i fear we wont go anywhere at all. bruises and memories fade. will she remember me?  

I prefer to pay inside because enhances the two a.m. twilight zone experience. the people inside are crazy and smell like cough medicine and cigarettes. I feel i am seconds away from an armed robbery but nothing ever happens. there are zombies picking out candy and porno magazines devouring them like fresh brains. A girl with a blank stare. the floor is dirty. choosing the right energy drink is crucial. and let me ask you, at what age should one stop mixing every soda together to form the 40oz concoction we used to call " the suicide " as kids. I want to tell this  guy at the dispenser, holding his cup under one then the other, back and forth.  Dr.Pepper i believe is well enough alone (there have been extensive tests and studies) no need to hit it with cherry coke and mountain dew too. But it's his gut, his lost childhood. I open the glass cooler door avoiding   my reflection and choose a  red bull. Another form of suicide.

I kept the motor running in the truck, which is illegal. An empty car left running outside a convenience store is called a get-a-way car. I just call it my ride home. No cops. No hassles, I put the truck in gear. Red bull sweating bullets in my hand. Humid nights in south florida. Another then another then another. This is how it goes. I have to go to work in a few hours. I want to live somewhere where a scooter is a viable means of transportation. Somewhere like Italy or the Florida keys. A mint green vespa and the wind in my hair.. Aviator goggles and 5 dollars worth of fuel taking me 80 miles per the gallon. Every night a trip there and back there and back. This is how it goes.



Saturday, April 23, 2011

this feels good this feels right

i like the shape
of your salty mouth
talking like this
your tangled
summer
hair
between my fingers

pirate ships sailed the
waters where
i live
i drink the same
purple wine
toss
my bottle over the side
with secret messages
inside

i found you
amongst the sharks teeth
and broken shells 
i found you
and drank your words
i poured you into me
until my
blood was
drunk
on your
love 

Friday, April 15, 2011

blowfish


why did we drink each others poison?  
is this why we are
already
ghosts.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Bruises to prove it


what didn't fade with time
faded from distance
small
features in the rear-view
i looked at your house
waving and smiling
your door already closed

funny this blood connection
our chemical crush, our holy ghosts,
atoms, particles, cells, bones
blood
prayer
funny how you say you love him
when you don't
im sorry about
our  fury
of mistakes

i clench my teeth at night
ball my fingers into fists
i read ancient scriptures
searching for the answers
in fables and parables, in allegories
the language of women and children 

it's the missing you
part - i hadn't counted on
the variable - the ghost 
i figured in for additions and subtractions
the lovers and passing of the moon
the  placement of diamond rings 
 time + distance + blood type 
the subset of X 
add it up
nothing between us
has ever
made
sense

 

Monday, March 7, 2011

i follow rivers

 (I found this Canon AE-1 camera, telephoto lenses, filters and other accessories for 14 bucks at the thrift-store. Old school 35mm and works perfectly. I won't lie, I'm a  huge fan of digital cameras and photo editing the result. I might even like the photo-editing part best of all.  I used  FX Photo Studio  app on my I-pad to process the photo above. That said , I respect the art, patience and knowledge of those using the manual settings of a film camera and getting cool effects naturally. I'm looking forward to learning this camera a little bit, take a few rolls of film, let the joy and nostalgia course my veins.) 


gold hearts
and breezes
this isn’t what i
expected
fist fights
funerals
big dogs
little cats
big lies
big dicks
my heart on a sleeve
hopeless romantics
whores
love
and work
all day
everyday
all day
sunday
on the couch
t.v.- radio.
 book
computer
porn
popcorn
gold hearts and the price of oil
the price of a diamond ring
just know
you are not
alone




What you can and can’t do. Go. I had love and fear holding me back. A good job, mad love, my favorite team. There was luck in this town and superstition. Maybe it left when you did. The job, the money and the good times Charlie. But there are good songs left to share and wine and smokes and I’ve stayed up half the night writing - my fingers are numb. I could probably work harder and make a few bucks, relieve half my so called troubles. Love wont keep me warm at night. All this chopping wood and carrying water. All this health amongst the sick and weary.  nothing to keep me from running. The moon will glow and the sun will rise and fall. Wherever you are, wherever you go it’s the same. I know this. Streets with different names, shadows on higher walls, whispers from ghosts. What you can and can’t do. let the dust settle. Then go.