Permanent Sleep

Growing up I was always visiting my grandparents in the hospital. One or the other. My sister and i sat patiently in the waiting room. We brought coloring books from home and were given money for the vending machine. Candy and hospital smell. I hate the smell of hospital. The smell of sick.
I got older and it was still always one or the other, now I was allowed to visit in the room. The smell was worse here and all those tubes and bliping machines. There were straws in plastic cups, nurses came in and said hello. My grandparents always seemed to know them by name. I would watch the t.v. bolted to the wall. Mostly it was always turned to the local news. ” the local weather today is 77 and sunny” Pale room with sterile light. Hospital after hospital. visiting. waiting. one or other. First was Grandma then Grandad not long after.
Oddly, both of them died at home.

Go

Sunshine at the end of my street. luck rises with my every morning hard-on. I still growl for you. you still purr for me. I say, good im alive- good nothing has changed. i guess.
With every warm day this winter fades. sunshine at the end of my street, in my skin, in my blood. I want more than how it works, the box with windows where i do something for little money, more than the passing of road-kill on the nothing more than a drive to and from work. silly numbers on paper at the end of the week. I want car crashes and fires i want motel rooms and debits owed. a hot new mouth to kiss - yours. and i don't want roses, i want marks and bruises. a scar showing you were once mine and i yours. i want to pretend there is something more than the filling of space between us more than the fuck of lies of our life and death. This time is totally lost to me. i don't remember it. I take no sense impressions with me, no voices, none of the road noise, the hours waiting. Nothing sticks but smoke in our hair and clothes. It is dead time. It never happened until it happens again. Then it never happened.

the devil between us

be careful what you wish for, she told me. and i said. yeah, be careful. and she said, yeah, be good. i tried not worry about the pretty things, about the photographs, words and bite marks. i don't want to be fake, I do this with the intention of getting you into bed.

I want to kiss and fuck you there. no, I wish. I wish to put everything inside you. my fingers, my dick, my come, my memories, my lust, my love, my lies, my anger, my pain, my birth, my death, my happiness.
I want study your black and blue. I want to smooth out the lines and fall between the silences. I want to know if you still think about me sometimes. am i the poison in your blood
am i that bruise? 

Space is only Noise

downloaded a bunch music apps for I-pad. my plan is to record something ambient/synch or dream pop or post-rock or whatever happens happens. this idea was planted after reading the cartoon band Gorillaz recorded an entire album using only the Ipad.
now your probably asking - what do you know about music?, making music?, creating music? and i say hardly anything and everything. I just like making things that sound, look, or feel good to me. another distraction from what is and what isn't. like the writing, like the art, like the photographs and as always.....it's for
you.  

just make it past
Wednesday
because that was the day we'd love each other
less
or  things got frustrating
me here
and you over
there

three or four moons
since
fucking over the
up all night weekend
after saying the
things we say
feeling so good

then
the days and moons and
words
and no words


did I? did you?
could we ever?
so Wednesday comes
and there are deep sighs across the
lines

and vague messages
you'd wake up
late in the afternoon and call to tell me
how easy it would be
to find
someone else

and you did
and i did
and then

one day I would drive to see
you on the weekend
we'd fuck and say  those things

and it was
so
so
good

Wednesdays pretty icons

drip,drip,drip. oil leaking from my Honda Element. not a lot, annoying enough.the little adds up and soon.....
i brought her to be fixed and they put her up on the lift and did their thing and told me she's all better. I drive her for a few days, a week, a little rough at times, because you have to put her through the paces. keep everyone honest.  through puddles, past stars, and the reflections of stars, neon, road kill, street lights. past the moon and the sun. above and below. you know how the earth spins? don't you.

One night I get home and drip. drip. drip. drops of oil on my garage floor. not fixed. leaking the blood of cars. I've crawled under, burnt myself on pipes and all that hot shit metal under there. I've spent countless obsessive hours wiping the outside of the oil pan clean, up to the cam shaft, crank case, hoses, bolts, seals. I cant barely fit under there, and this is why i brought her somewhere to be fixed. someone else touching her gears and fiddling with her insides. Oil leaking from the same place they supposedly fixed it. -  at least that's the way it looks to me. im on the dirty floor peering under with a flashlight. axle grease,  her blood on my hands, grease under my finger nails. her life source. oil, grease, fuel, lubrication. her juice. drip drip drip.

I converted  my old 1st generation Bose Soundock into a wireless speaker system for Ipad. After i made the sinister move and purchased the wonderfully magical Ipad. I got to thinking - how the fuck am i going to play my itunes music?  all that music i steal test. I mean my soundock was great for the little i-pod but it doesnt even have an aux jack to plug it into the headphone slot, so now what? the Ipad is huge, it wont fit.
I came across a blog (because you can find the answer to almost ANY question on the net). Turns out it's easy, you buy this for a mere 20 bucks Sprint-Bluetooth-Receiver w/ dock connector
plug it into the dock connector, set your magical ipad settings to Bluetooth ON.. it asks you for the code (which is found in the paperwork you get with the Bluetooth receiver). they connect. Easy.  and kind of like magic. Now when i get within 30' of the sounddock speakers, it picks up the bluetooth signal and plays wireless. I-Tunes music, Pandora, LastFm. Cool?. well, it is to me.