the devil between us

be careful what you wish for, she told me. and i said. yeah, be careful. and she said, yeah, be good. i tried not worry about the pretty things, about the photographs, words and bite marks. i don't want to be fake, I do this with the intention of getting you into bed.

I want to kiss and fuck you there. no, I wish. I wish to put everything inside you. my fingers, my dick, my come, my memories, my lust, my love, my lies, my anger, my pain, my birth, my death, my happiness.
I want study your black and blue. I want to smooth out the lines and fall between the silences. I want to know if you still think about me sometimes. am i the poison in your blood
am i that bruise? 

Where I Lay, I'll Lie

these honey
bunches of words
these scratch marks
down my back
this hit
and
miss
troubling
as
sting of bees

as we lie
as we
lay
on this bed
stars-
on the ceiling

we say these certain phrases
in the heat of
these
stolen moments
it goes down easy
on sweaty sheets
all dirty words and
after-glow

but, i wonder without
these kiss fits
and fist stings
i wonder without
the honey,
could we ?

without the brutal
fuck force
of
promises
we never meant to
keep

this
silence,
suddenly
violently
random

the downward spiral

what have i been doing? let's see. vizcaya , last weekend. amazing architecture and gardens. maybe i should get down to Miami more often, there is an awful lot to see and do there.

the frustration over writing - or should i say... my attempts to update - saying what i want to say - saying anything.
it's due to lap-top failure. a computer on it's last breath. literally held together by duct-tape and porno and prayers. it's sloooooooow, crashes or hangs up every 10 minutes. I often end up slamming the taped-up lid down and calling it horrible names. this lap-top has gotten me laid in the past, i can almost forgive it for anything, but I sense my relationship with it coming to a bitter end. I slam it shut and walk away. im done for the weekend. over it.

I have limited time at work to fuck around on the internet. I do. i find music and photos and look at sites. my work computer is lightning fast and that only causes further frustration when i come home, back to this. this.
yeah, im looking into a replacement. Im thinking of going Mac. either an egocentric Ipad? or the stylish notebook? something sleek and fun, fast and expensive.

but, distractions come along, ive been spending all my extra money on art and things for the house. mid-century modern furniture lately. I also like Spanish\Mediterranean revival. thrift-store finds for the most part and ive had a good run of late.


another thing taking over my life: this stupid little Roku box. It lets you access and stream netflix playable media on your TV. I have to admit i never streamed a movie or tv show on my computer. I just thought is seemed lame: small screen, a chair that hurts. I want to watch shows on my 60" Plasma, thats what i got it for. I rarely go OUT to movies anymore. why would I when i have a huge screen and surround sound (that took 3 years to pay off) at home? I love it. i love TV. I love movies and doc's and I love fucking Football and sports too,,,. and I really like this Roku. Im streaming tv series ive never seen, movies, all sorts of wonderful mind numbing stuff. It took about 5 minutes to hook-up and the quality is close to DVD.
want to see one of my latest thrift-store finds?

Well, yes the green chair too. But, focus in on the mid-century record cabinet. It's made by LANE, walnut and mahogany wood and best of all it holds 200 records!!

I didnt know what it was when i first went over to inspect it. I thought it was just a cabinet, I was intrigued by the look of the wood. I opened it and wow!!! finally somewhere to store all my records. I thought.
Im from the age of vinyl, in fact i still have my first Kiss album. I somehow managed to keep all my 80's music records too. The rest of my current collection was picked up at flea-markets, thrift stores and yard sales. dirt cheap, with no regard for any particular genre. I have classical, opera, frank sinatra, movie sound tracks, big band, hair bands, metal, Prince, 80s pop, Queen, Folk, electronic. Shit, I have Tom Waits to Air Supply.... and ive gone a very very long period of time with NOTHING to play them on. Picking up this cabinet gave me no more excuses, So that's new too. the portable record player is a cheap Crowsley I bought at Target. It's made to look retro. Let's face it .. Quality is for the rich. Design is for the rest of us. For the money it sounds decent. I had a piece of crap one while growing up, so to me, It sounds about the same as i remember. Anyway, if you come over we can play records.