rustle and sigh and dead leaves falling

The sweetest decline is always voluntary. I remember how she gave me the keys and let me drive. how she put her arms around me like they belonged there. I kissed her hard and deep. drunk on her youth, sick with our disaster.
In case we don't make it back. i say
Earlier on the phone she asked me, Do you remember how to get here?
me with the knife, me with the gun, me who drives miles and miles, to her anxiously awaiting. hell fast and filled with random thoughts. her heart, her body, now the keys,
that's trust baby. with bruised lips we now depart.

skin the color of snow, her hair- darkness, sunshine, ginger, apples- I just wanted eat her cold white skin.

I pull over under a lemon tree or orange tree. something citrusy and sweet. a rest stop with vending machines and clean rest-rooms. fat squirrels beg near a garbage can. 18 wheeled truck noise from the highway. somewhere train tracks and power lines run parallel. I just assume.

At the car, we're both back from peeing.
how was it?, did it burn?, If it did, I'm sorry.
she's funny too. i like that.
No, I could hardly keep from moaning. it was almost orgasmic. do girls get like that?. does peeing feel that good for girls?

No. I'm orgasmic for some foods. and sex. mostly anal. and older guys.
more jokes, more good times, more somethings to remembers.

she's done being witty or bratty or both.
she climbs over top of me.
okay, baby, you drive for awhile.


random, grasshopper thoughts. honey and sliced orange. come stuck from the tip of my dick to the inside my underwear, it rips away with a slight move. pain, but not so bad that it's almost erotic. I drifted. hardly aware she was in the passengers seat. legs slightly parted, crumpled skirt, eyes closed. I was inside her not just .... how long ago?. mile markers have past by, my foot to heavy. intoxicated. sex dizzy, road dizzy, brain tumor. something.
I play god behind the wheel, i play a detective on t.v. In real life, i think she just loves me.
Do you remember how to get here?
right before i came, she called me daddy. petrol and go- go juice. motel neon and greasy spoon diners. There are parts of me still inside her.

compliments make me lie to you

for instance, once I blurred the line between reality and dreaming. perhaps even between right and wrong , good and evil. I have these urges. we all do. my lucid dreaming becomes lucid thinking, then I wonder if it's a dream at all. when i wake up, if I wake up. will this be real? I ask myself, can I do this?. except I don't ask. I just do it.

how rare was it when her kiss could get me as drunk as wine. how rare was it that i could say or do whatever i wished to do to you. to her. and she took it. she liked it. she'd come to me for more. she wore scars like badges.
and the marks and bruises.
her boyfriend didn't notice.
but I was her boyfriend. i was supposed
to be.

sometimes my chemicals will mix with the right person and I don't act as i normally would. I don't stop when I am supposed to. when I should. when you think I won't- I will. when you should be careful what you wish for.
I do. i take more chances. not less. I don't feel safe or in control. I cut the ropes. I am not afraid to admit it. I fall, without nets. without protection. I won't use it. just me and my god. me and my luck.

i know instantly the pretty face, the smile, her curves, tits, hair, voice, hands, mouth. I know who can just fuck me right up. I know her. And I know she likes the things i say too. the dirty things.
If it would be rough. If it would be real or pretend and if it didn't matter. you know me. you should. this is real. I am you.
or I love you. I'm not sure which.

when it happen I was taking a course at the local community college. It's at night and we are only into the first week. After class we make the walk to our cars. under moonlight. under the glow of metal halide lamps. dull beaming light on the parking lot. She shouldn't have taken her time like she did. but I knew she wanted me to catch up. I knew she was waiting for me. And it's odd - these times like this. the times when you just aren't quite sure. because its late and you're tired. and you get under the dark sky and fucking moon is watching you and you stare back and feel small. you feel like time is slipping away.

she waited for me. her back against a creamy egg shell painted wall. against the building just before you are under the moon. just before you reach the grass, then black-top, then parked cars. My parked car, and hers. but you can see the sky and the moon from here, and the lights shining down on shale rock asphalt.

I stared at the chips of paint peeling from the wall, the color underneath. I tried to see through her. A stranger. We had never spoke. Just eyes. Just chemicals. Just me watching her in class, her watching me. I walked over, put down my back-pack, pressed her against the wall and kissed her. she let me.
and this was one of those moments when I didn't think is she married? is this a dream? because if it's not you can't do this. Will she scream?, will she kick me?, will she try to run?.

her arms were around my neck, her legs spread slightly apart.
she kissed me back. her tongue, and her lips, and her mouth.
I don't know how long we stayed like that. but i tried not to breathe. tried not to come up for air. Her eyes were closed. I wondered if she thought- had she opened them, would she wake up. find herself at home, alone in her bed or next to him. 3 a.m.
would she wonder how i got there. in her dream. how i became her ghost.

but now, caught in the moment. caught in the half light between moving pictures, and sounds.
I heard nothing. between our bodies and the heat. my heart racing. she felt it. in my chest. something real. and It stopped.
It just stopped.

credits-
photo1: missmillieclaire
dalaiharm
make-up by cloe
photo2: found at http://www.ellf.ru/
photo3: Orevivre

photo4: found on tumblr

love is a scar that never heals

It won't rain here. I mean, it will (someday) but it hasn't for weeks. When it doesn't rain in Florida everything starts looking brown. trees and grass dry out. Fires start up easily in the Everglades. The swamps, canals and river beds dry up. I drive to work daily in a light haze and the smell of smoke. There is fire. and it's close by. they suspect arson.

My front yard has turned all brown. We are all on water-restrictions so I can only water it two days a week. It's not enough to sustain it's thirst. I have my doubts global abuse of the ozone layer is the cause. That's what everyone is saying though. Everyone is turning "green". It's the new big thing to distract us from the troops abroad and spending billions of our dollars. Blood for Oil? I think fucking NOT. Blood for money. Did you enjoy your 600 dollars?

"They" predicted more hurricanes for us this season. I personally find them rather exciting. It's nice to be forewarned of an upcoming possible disaster. Compared to earth quake or tornadoes. no warning. They scare me. but I like the chaos and fear a hurricane brings in the days leading up to it. I like the local media's sky is falling reaction.the panic it stirs up. You can feel it in the air.

back to the no rain thing: All i can say is that my life is pretty strange...

It's been the same since I was a kid. Doesn't rain for weeks and then all it does is rain. Somehow the universe knows. It takes care of itself. I remember the floods. Getting to stay home from school. Taking surfboards and inflatable rafts to the park to float around in the river that once was a soccer field. My friend. She got ring-worm from tromping through dirty water puddles. After about a week. The mosquitoes are fierce because of all that standing water. the city would send out trucks to spray down the neighborhood. all the kids from my block , including me would get behind the truck and run through the smokey spray (poison). the damage is done.

I dreamed about tornadoes again last week. Before that major storm system came through the Southern U.S. and killed several people. I'm not saying I am a seer or anything. not a prediction. Just I dreamed of being in a car traveling down a highway and 5 or 6 funnels formed and chanced us. Odd thing is there have never been very many tornadoes touching down in South Florida. In fact I've never been in nor have I ever seen one up close in my entire life. I

fun fact: I've never seen or been in snow either.