My best-friend almost killed me. He had his fathers shot-gun but pulled it away at the last hair-trigger moment. "It's not loaded " he said but just to be sure he moved the barrel from my chest, pointed past my shoulder and proceeded to blow a pancake sized hole through his parents front door. Yeah, good thing it wasn't loaded. My ears rang for two weeks. I couldn't hear myself thanking the fucking stars but I was happy to be alive. I opened the front door with the smoking hole in it and crossed the street to my house just as two patrol cars came screaming around the corner. I don't know what happened to my friend. He stopped going to school after that. I never saw him again. I'm pretty sure his father beat him to death. I saw him bury something in the backyard late one night. People said it was the family cat, but I'm not so sure. I promised god I wouldn't play with guns again. One of many promises Id make and break in my short time on earth.
I used to like wrapping things around my neck. At first it was just to see what it would feel like to run out of breath. Stupid things kids do in their rooms when they get bored. I discovered I quite liked it. Tighter tighter tighter until I was barely able to breathe then I'd let go and the air was back. There was a rush I can't describe to you. I used belts, jump ropes, clothesline, socks. Eventually I thought about rubbing my dick and doing this at the same time, a natural progression though I don't know why. I was to young to achieve any kind of orgasm at that time, no ejaculation, no release but it still felt good.
I got hung up once, by then I could cum and I did all the time several times a day and in as many different ways as I could think of. I remembered choking myself but I'd heard stories about kids found dead half naked so I counted myself lucky for making it through those dumb early years . Fifteen, stupid and bored and hard all the time. I took my finest black leather belt and cinched it around my neck. I was hard just thinking about it. It worked great the first time, to good, I sucked in air and shot cum so hard and so much it would take extra cleaning time to remove it from the ceiling, walls and floor. Fuck it was good. I should have quit but now i was hooked. I couldn't wait to get home from school. Radio up high, the marks on my neck. Fuck school, fuck everything. Then It happened i couldn't get the belt loose. I was thinking - please don't let it end like this. Running out of air and starting to panic. rock hard all the same. I was seeing stars through my tears. I promised I wouldn't do it again, please just one more....chance. The buckle broke and clanked on the floor. I came and finally breathed or the other way around. I was tired and crawled to my bed. Half hour later I woke up and jerked off again. But I kept my promise.
photos(flickr):
1. arbyreed - 2. emma louise
eventually words