to these i do not want to forget

Hated the nights for the lies we told. How she comes along with her slooooooooow game makes me feel like Im her rising tide then takes everything away. Silence and grace. Smiles and teeth. Im left here to write this shit about you.

 Ive said it before between the lines here and there. I look at hers. she looks at mine. She knows. Im reckless and obvious but nothing is ever certain, Is it?
I want to talk and hang out and go on road trips together. I want to hide out and fuck and create. these stupid chemicals make me want to marry her and watch her and use her and make her art. I want to put it into words but as you can see I fail at it. Im old enough to know better. It’s a mess. A blank page has suddenly become a massacre. nothing is certain.

Lucky You

Warm engine hum. I'm burning up the  miles to be in her bed.  I will numb myself with her body. Inside the four walls of some motel room. Wherever you tell me to be. Distant galaxies. Numb myself with the words in my head I will never speak. Momentary closure, photographic false memories. Always better a day later, a week later, 6 years later. You can't have what you want. Take what we can get.  Heartbeats. Warm engines. Warm skin. A hard kiss on the mouth while i'm inside you. Stay numb.

The looking glass

A jet engine roars and throttles down to achieve altitude needed for descent (I’m just guessing here because unless you count reading Enders Game ive never been to flight school) Every 8 minutes the planes land and take-off. Coming, going, coming and going. My office being in the flight path shakes and rattles with the whooooosh as the plane rushes past my window then disappears from view. I listen for the explosion like in my dreams but when there is nothing I assume for now the 100 or so souls on board are safe. I can only hope this happens every time, every day , every 8 minutes for however long im here in this cubicle. My most vivid nightmares consist of tornadoes, submarines, the night she left me, and planes falling from the sky. Common dreams. These planes make me think of the show LOST . Makes me wonder if im not already dead and me being here so close to the airport is a sign that I can’t seem to grasp. I am living in the “flash sideways” life right now. Here but there here but not. The repetition and signs and it would be so easy for me to go online book a plane ticket drive 5 minutes and be in the air on my way somewhere else. If i could get back there somehow, back to you. Maybe we are ghosts. Maybe we were meant to be together?

Say Hi

What was that song you always played?  I can’t remember only that it sounded so good I was even slightly aware of the groove while deep inside you

  Blah,Blah,Blah?… something like that.  Whenever I hear it now I think of you and our little deaths. and you probably remember how I used to make you sore.  On top of you. lost in it,  forcing you through the mattress fabric and springs to the floor  buried in the earth so no one could find us.  

 

As Close To Me As You Are Now

Afternoon rain storms. We kissed on your bed and  I told you that you tasted like lightning. The heat from us burned all summer. She changes the weather.