away torpedo

i didn't want to waste the paper writing this note. All those trees, chopped, loaded. lost forever.
for grocery lists, good-bye notes, for solving math. for bad poetry, unfinished novels, restaurant menus, passports, gun licenses, marriage licenses.  I decide against paper.
emailed her instead then sent a text for good measure. words in the wind. arrows shot in the dark to see where they land. all this silence. all those memories. I wake for you. I sleep in the restless sea.
Everything from our bank accounts, to our health, to the reckless strangers we let go, to luck , to the love of our life. It's all hit or miss.

Stange Attractor

sharp objects.
we explore each others bodies north and south.
scars from a fathers hand and mothers mouth.
had the words sunk in ,
had the nights washed over
i could have never reached her
where i swam out

a little rusty
a little worn

a distance
north and south
broken compass
torn map


here is the knowing part
ends with gray skies
a scene in the rain
we can't hear
the words 
ends with
summer
promises
sharp objects

The return of captain big mouth

Push wrong buttons
and fever sweat memories
kissed out like the heat
i knew
inside
her

make my way back
to extreme
fragile circus
to the work 
i do
steering the ship 

floating through
starry sky and
black ink sea 
missing her
smack back 

the way out lies
the way out
over- boat
low- tones

big pink sky
red eye shadow
maxed out to revenge
this should have
have been 

us 
sinking ships
sinking ships 

dreaming sometimes swimming

summer always brought me to a place of isolation. school out, friends gone. I waited for you. I hibernate with music and books. good times gone bad and good again. I'm numb to the vibrations of air conditioned rooms, to bed springs, to the rumble of thunder. I feel so far away.. from you.

ive been up and down the coast, drift fishing, unsettled. the way ive broken bones and cut lips. the sky blends to the color of your eyes. distant lighting. distant storms. distant sleep. dreaming sometimes swimming.
    
i wonder what it must be like drifting so long across the sea and one day come to the shore of your heart.

Two ball screwball

When i was a kid, school let out for the summer and it was jumping ramps with my bike time, fishing the canal for large mouthed bass, mowing lawns for buying shit like slurpees, watermelon gum, going to the movies and the ice-cream truck. Our ice-cream man was a ol perv who gave little girls free stuff if they lifted up their pretty little pink summer dress and showed him undies. My favorite off the truck was screwballs - cherry slush and a gum ball at the bottom, second was push-ups, then rocket pops. It was the late seventies. Rock music was still hard, cars were still fast and we rode our bikes without helmets, skateboarded without knee-pads, stayed out until dark with no supervision. We turned out just fine. Video-games were stand up machines at pin-ball arcades, you fed them fucking quarters. You didnt hide in your house all day, no kid stayed indoors.

Even though i lived in South Florida i didnt grow up having a swimming pool. There was only one family that had one put in, a few had above ground pools, the rest of us had kiddie pools, home-made slip-n-slides and sprinklers. I didnt learn to swim until i was seven. To cool off from the heat I rode to the movies with my friends or sometimes alone. They played old Disney movie double features for a dollar. Herbie the love bug and Escape from witch mountain type of stuff. The movie Jaws kind of changed my life, until I saw a movie called Star Wars. I also recall The Warriors, Rollercoaster, and Carrie having some effect on my young mind. I went to the library on occasion too, i was obsessed with soccer and took out books about pele. I got into S.E. Hinton, and later Stephen King. I looked at rock magazines and anything that might have a half naked girl.

Addidas. All.day.i dream. about sex. Something changed. After awhile nothing else mattered, everything i did, wore, said, liked, faked, every fight , scar , tear, drop of blood, every note written, poem, song, goal i scored, any money i made, bike i rode, car i drove, every stupid hair-cut, body spray, truth, lie, every drug i took, cigarette smoked, glass i tilted back. Anytime i ever danced, pretended to like your parents, said it would be forever, said yes, we could be just friends.

It was hot today, i was in the pool thinking about screwball icecream. About the first time i fell in love, about bmx bikes. About the awesome sex i used to have with you, puffy stickers, trapper keeper notebooks. I got out dried off and drove to four different gas stations in an attempt to find a screwball. I looked online and now they make a two ball screwball. ( holy shit two disgusting after two chews gum balls at the bottom!) Im listening for the bells. The music that broken down looking white truck blares. Wheres the ive cream man when you need him?