Thursday, May 7, 2009

florida to texas east and west


sometimes anything. any word. any picture. any song.
sometimes anything. chaos. love. lies. promises.
anything.
something. anywhere. anytime. you. me. stories told before bed.
and after.
ever after.

* barrettes in her hair. yellow.
* me in my glasses reading maps.
* writing her love notes.
* the smell of old books.
* a spoonful of peanut butter
* photo booths.
* playing with her hair at night - without asking
* spanish guitar
* lime ice bars
* folding warm laundry
* sleeping on fresh sheets.
she is listing things that make her
happy.

sometimes anything will do.
our bodies cuddled close.
my chest against her back.
A leg over hers.
the snooze button pushed not once
but twice. no, three.
more dreams. more time spent together.
this time. she stays.

sometimes it's so hard to find the words.
sometimes nothing.
and sometimes
anything.

Friday, May 1, 2009

tell me how I say the things that make you sway

at the grocery store. we place food items into a plastic push cart. she steers the buggy, I look at the floor. to many people, to many lights, to much advertising. the smell of baked goods, spiced meats, and loaves of french crusted bread. a lady asks if we'd like to try a free sample. My fingers brush against the brightly colored fruit as we walk by.

I'm an impulse shopper and kisser and hands on her ass, feel her up-er. she'll tell you that, just ask her.

there was my attempt on aisle 7 to explain how a certain wine compliments a certain
dish, that i would make it for us. I would teach her how to sniff, taste and swallow.
I could tell she thought this to be sweet, silly, slightly dirty.
heart breaking. she said.
you're simply heart breaking.

i was pointing at bottle neck clams through the seafood window glass.
when you pick out clams. I say. you want to make sure the shells are closed, never buy open clams.... and now shellfish, okay. listen baby, this is important. ANY shellfish: shrimp, crabs, scallops, you want to make sure the guy gives you them frozen from the freezer in back. they are better frozen and thawed at home.
and what about those, she says. pointing to a group of lobsters crawling at the bottom of salt water tank.
We don't buy those. I say. We consider the lobster.

I'm checking the fresh caught fish of the day and i see her face reflecting in the glass, smiling. i notice she's staring at me when she thinks im not looking back. I can't keep my own gaze from off her, or my hands, or my heart. I fall for those moments, even with almost certain lies hanging from her lips. I turn and kiss and taste them right there in front of everyone. a light applause from a few of the older ladies, who happen by. As if id made some grand proposal and she said yes. It was only that she had captured me. trapped now like the lobsters crawling up the sides of the tank. tap-tap-tap-tap

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

sand and ice


I open the plastic bottle, add Crystal Light mix to my water. lemonade. it's hard to swallow otherwise. just the water. just the water alone. closing the lid i shake the bottle like a snow-globe. tiny crystals dissolve and like magic I've changed it's chemistry.

I have this thing where i have to add noise to silence. nothing stays still to long. I sprinkle lust on boring situations, and longing, and panic and loathing. words.
dirty chaos, filthy regrets, radio chatter, clicking of keyboard, t.v sounds, a truck drives by, the squeal of brakes. a dog bark.

i haven't sit still for as long as i can remember. sand and ice and summer. what i can't remember i make up and what i make up become stories i tell to her in bed. lies are things we tell children, not each other. what we tell each other is what we believe is best not to hurt them. the truth is ugly and in most cases, I'm not much for it. some things remain true: how i miss it. how Ive never regretted us for one moment. how ill tell myself anything to make it through another evening, another summer, another winter, the silence.

in being still, i came close with her. but, only right after sex. most times after, id want to just leave whoever i was with. thank you, but i have to go now. let me exit without a fight. not make a big thing of it.

It was different with her. she's up to pee, sweaty and dizzy, then she is back holding an ice-tea. shit like that, instantly breaks my heart.

i'd not move, as close to still as id ever come. she'd place the tea on the night table. barely hearing the ice cubes clatter. she crawls over me and lays her head on my chest.
your heart, it's still beating fast.
it is now - this is what you do to me.
I close my eyes. she's ready to play again, her hand is there.
heart beat. faster. I'm up for it. for anything.
still.

Monday, April 27, 2009

and all her words, wishful thinking

I'm not sure how long i can keep this up with you.
before long i tend to grow tired of these games- of these words. not so much in
the meaning of them,
but to me, it is to burn burn burn bright with cause-
of concern,
to distract from our everyday without
invisible
force keeping your body
your heart
your mind
your love
from
me

is it not,
that same force, those chemicals and
words, pixels and syntax,
those careless fucking whispers
that make you mine.

isn't the life we have not
grand? not scary? not dangerous?
no matter how stable we think our footing.
and tell me why couldn't it be better
just to give me your extra time???
to be my muse
to sit for me,
to confuse
to destroy
to undress

spread before me on top of dirty sheets
in the dim light of a sea-side
motel room
or in your room
or in your mind

and so that we never grow tired,
let me sink my teeth!
give to me the sum of your extra parts.

if this is your wish, let me be not your only- for i do not ask this of you. only that i am your favorite.
and if i tell you how it pleases me, that it also pleases you.

as far as i know,
there is nothing
to keep this from happening.
or ever
having
to end.

art: Tara Mcpherson
Dino Alberto

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

i declare a cease fire

the temperature has dropped below eight-five, so my windows are open, and there's a breeze carrying in the smells of molasses, oranges, mesquite, papayas, rum, powdered sugar, arroz con pollo, newspapers, dogs, road tar, cigars, garbage, perfumed women, babies, lumber, paella, sex, car exhaust, chlorine, mint, horses, manure, coffee, lime, gardenias, seafood, Tabasco, stone crab, prostitutes, lemonade, barbecue, pianos, sweat, the ocean, bananas.